Collaborate without boundaries

Day 22 - Reckless Love

  • Comments 2

I don't know where to start with this entry, I'm surprisingly at ease given the conversation that took place. I decided to do the dare face to face. I'm starting to get a bit of a competitive side to these dares and thought I'd face my fears today. As soon as I was off work, I went over to my SOs parents' house to pick up our daughter. I had him help me with the bags to the car and stopped him only to talk about the schedule for the week and our next days off. He was about to rush inside so I stopped him again. I said, "I know it may be hard for you to believe but I still love you. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I will never stop loving you. I just wanted you to know that." He stared at me for a few seconds then turned and went back inside. As I hit the highway to get to my own parents' house, my playlist starts to play "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury. I start to sing along and begin to break down at this verse: "There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me. There's no wall You won't kick down, lie you won't tear down, coming after me."

I was expecting a text from my SO but I did not care what the outcome was going to be. The song reminded me how unconditional God's love is and how far He'll go for us. I started to cry because even though I felt I wasn't worthy of that kind of love, He already thinks I'm worthy enough for His love. 

 

Like I expected, he texted me during dinner:

 

Him: You know I really don't believe you when you say you love me. For one you mentioned you weren't happy with me and second you **** someone else. You were intimate with another guy so you saying you love me is complete bull.

 

Me: I hear you and I understand why you feel that way. But like I said before, no matter what you say, no matter what you do, I'll never stop loving you. I've always loved you and I'll still love you. Period. 

 

Him: That clearly wasn't the case that night you ****** that guy. Whatever I'm still gonna call BS I'm not gonna argue

 

Me: I made a tragic mistake and there are no words to express how sorry I am. I pray one day you'l forgive me. Until then I'm going to continue to show you my love for you.

 

Him: I plan to forgive you. That doesn't mean I'm gonna give you another chance. I plan to move on and continue my life and better myself, without you. 

 

Me: I understand 

I'm still going to love you. Whatever happens from this, whatever happens between you and I, my heart is with you and for you. As broken and messed up as it is, I've given it to you to hold and I'm not taking it back. Everyday I'm growing closer and closer to God and praying He works through me, praying He'll fix the broken pieces 

I love you 

 

 

Even though it was hard reading the texts, I was calm and kept thinking back to the song. For now, I'm okay that he doesn't love me back. I'm still going to complete these dares regardless. Even as he said all of those things to me, I still love him. 

  • Don't let his words hurt .  Let the armor of Christ protect you from those words.

    It is good you are finding peace when the world says you can not have peace in this trial.

  • I'm no psychologist but I'm pretty sure he loves you. From reading and studying and talking to many professionals I have concluded that love doesn't just dissipate. He is just having a difficult time processing the affair. He loved you for a long time and that can't just be forgotten. You are a part of his life that can't be taken away. It may take years but he will come to terms with it eventually. If you repented and truly mean it then it will certainly show. You told him that you love him unconditionally and you are sorry and you have asked for forgiveness. He is required by God to forgive and even though he says he doesn't have to give you another chance that can change. I have a friend whose husband cheated on her. They got divorced three years ago and as of right now, today, they are dating. I asked her why. What changed her mind, and she said time. Time gave her the opportunity to grow closer to Christ and allowed her to accept that her husband made a terrible mistake. She said he seems to be truly sorry and has repented and even though she is being cautious she is giving him another chance- three years later.

    "With God all things are possible."

    Matthew 19:26

Page 1 of 1 (2 items)