Collaborate without boundaries

Day 14 - Taking Delight In Lieu of Rejection

  • Comments 2

The day after our daughter's party was filled with many errands I needed to run for work. We had an important event coming up and I had volunteered to help out as best as I could. After I had finished reading this chapter, however, I decided to cancel going by my workplace and it just so happened that the dinner that was planned for the team for later that evening was cancelled as well! I took advantage of the day off and decided to make it a family day - our daughter, him, and myself. I could not reach him via phone call so I opted to text him instead. I explained to him that the dinner was cancelled since I had already communicated to him about the dinner the night prior. I asked if he would like to do something together, as a family. I made suggestions like seeing the Christmas lights at a drive thru light display or taking our daughter out somewhere together. He told me "I don't think us being together would be a good idea. I don't want to send the wrong message to Natalia or you." Wrong message? I was confused. I told him that I thought we could use some time as a family and that he had errands to run with his parents. I offered to help with the errands which he of course shot down. His rebuttal: "You haven't spent quality time with her. Do some crafts/use your camera and take pictures. Enjoy your time with her." I guess the canvases that our daughter had a hand in painting for his birthday, the Christmas ornaments she painted, the hot cocoa, and every other little activity we did together doesn't count as quality time or crafts. I was very frustrated at this point. I tried one last time responding to his message with "I just wanted to include you as well. Maybe see if there was something you wanted to do too that maybe we could do together." His mind was already made up and he told me that he didn't think it would be a good idea. I left it at that, told him I understood, and planned a whole day with my daughter anyways. We had an absolute blast! I treated her to some shopping, lunch, she dressed up, we played, and then I ended the night with the drive thru light display on a 5 acre farm. She met Santa, which she cried because she was very shy, but was happy nonetheless. When I had to drop her back off with him that night, our daughter and I were grinning from ear to ear, talking about the day's activities. I don't think I've been that happy or laughed that much in weeks. I could not stop smiling the entire time! I'm glad I had a mommy daughter day, even if I did not exactly complete the dare like it was supposed to. 

  • You attempted the dare the best you could, so dare complete.  Could you though have left a voice mail message vs texting though?

    He will throw out things to try to get at you,  such as not crafting or spending time with her.  He may be just trying to get you to react.  So, when or if he does this again, keep staying patient and kind.

    Be cautious of overdoing it when asking him anything.  If he says no, it  can be easy to keep asking.  Not saying you did over ask, but just be aware of it.  

  • Do not let your husband's words defeat you. He is not in the same place as you and right now he doesn't care if he hurts you. I know it's frustrating but just imagine Jesus is standing beside you when you want to retaliate and imagine what He would do. Show love, as hard as that is. He is expecting you to react in a certain way. What he doesn't know is that we are all learning to put away expectations and act Christ-like. It will be confusing to him for a long time.

    It's such a tragedy that our spouses think spending time together as a family is not a good idea. My wife just told me last night, after I told her she is making the wrong decision, that it is not the right decision to stay together and fight in front of the children. I said "Exactly, that's why we should fix everything and show the children how a marriage should be." Running away is not the answer and never will be.

    Those memories you are building with your daughter will last forever and your husband has no idea how detrimental it is to her that he is not there. You keep doing things with her and enjoy your time. It will come back to haunt him someday unless he changes HIS ways and there is nothing you can do about that except set the example of an upright Christian.

    "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

    Proverbs 15:1

Page 1 of 1 (2 items)