Collaborate without boundaries

Day 10 - When Unconditional Meets Conditions

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It's only day 10 and I'm feeling weak emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I think it's a mixture of his cold-heartedness and lack of any changes, the stress of our daughter constantly being passed back and forth, and my mother looking for different things to argue about. I don't have support from my family because they do not know what is going on. I haven't the chance to sit down and talk to them and don't think that a text or call is appropriate for a topic like this. Each moment that I feel I want to bring up the subject and tell my mother, she will find a topic (usually circling around my daughter) and judge my decision making, judge others that are watching her as I work, judge the situation to the point where she is too heated to listen to what I have to say. This usually takes up a great deal of my energy. We've never really had a great relationship to begin with. Their type of love is very conditional. As long as you are doing what is right in their eyes, you will receive their love and support. As soon as you make a mistake or do something unworthy of their love, they are quick to take it away and say that those are the "consequences" of your actions. I grew up thinking this was how God was as well, so his "unconditional" love was only unconditional up to a certain point. How do I show someone unconditional love if I don't even fully understand what that is? I've had a glimpse of it recently however. His mom and stepdad have been extremely supportive and loving. I can call her or message her and she's right there listening. They came over on my birthday night when my mother was too angry to visit me, and helped with the Christmas decorations and had pie and coffee with me. They do not judge me, they do not bash me for the mistakes I've made, and they don't look at me differently because of the situation. I wish my own parents could learn to be like that but for now, I'm just blessed to have someone show me that kind of love and support right now.

Each dare seems to be draining me more and more every day. For this dare, I could not really find anything to do for him. He's been on PTO for the past week and I've been working every day. I organized what was left of his clothes here even though he took the majority of them and helped to pay some of his bills. Maybe once he goes back to work and I have a day off, I'll be able to reorganize his stuff for him, maybe transport the dresser over to his mom's so he has a place for his clothes. 

  • This is not me pointing a finger at all.  So take this as no criticism, because it is not.  If you were married, I would say do not help him move out or move his dresser.  If he is going to move out, let it all fall on his shoulders.  But, I will leave all of this between you and God.  Again, not me being critical.

    Sharing what's going on with your mom...I know it can feel good to talk to someone about the trial, but is your mom going to give advice that will help bring you closer to God or to bring you down?  Be careful who you share with.  Also, maybe telling her by how she may act may not be protecting him,but in her eyes make him look bad.  

    Move on to the next dare.....

  • Your feeling of weakness emotionally, spiritually, physically etc,are a sign of you looking for him to acknowledge you or to change instead of you having no expectations of him.  Look to God only for comfort.  Put God way above him and peace will come.  Seek His comfort in prayer, etc.

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