Collaborate without boundaries

easy right?

  • Comments 4

My husband and I have lost our way.  2 years ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. During the surgery recovery period, he had to take care of me. I could literally not even wipe my own tush. Once I got better, I just kept getting sick over and over. This was wrong, Then this.  And we just kept in the caregiver role.  I let him do so much more than his fair share. And he would get angry and I would use that as an excuse to not even try.

So here we are. Married almost 6 years, together almost 8. And strangers who share a bed.  Sex is non-existent (there are health issues that leads to this)

Anger has simmered. Resentment has built. And a affair began.

He held me, told me I was beautiful, touched me, looked at me. Made me feel like his life could not go on without me. And he was someone that I could complain to about my husband and he understood and told me I was right to be upset. I think I was trying to make him out to be this horrendous person to make myself feel better for my sins.  And he's not.  He paints my toe nails, keeps my favorite soda in stock, and cooks me bacon every weekend. 

So day 1 should be easy right. We haven't even seen each other yet. WRONG.  One phone call and it all goes to hell. Then I think about this and stop myself. Remind him to read his homework.  (we are doing this as a group with another couple who have similar marriage issues right now)

But it has been kinda nice to think of what I'm going to do for him tomorrow. 

  • Welcome. Realize this will be a journey, one between you and Christ.  Not you and him.  He will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.  Do not have any expectations from him when you do dare.  Do not read ahead in the book, other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  Things often get worse before it gets better, but this will serve purpose.

  • It is tough to do this as a couple or when you know your spouse is doing this too.  Knowing he is doing it is going to set you up to have expectations and he will let you down.  No matter how hard he may try.  The only one that will not let you down is God.  

    So, you really need to have no expectations of him doing the dares.  Or let resentment build.  

    If you haven't, make sure you repented of the affair and then make sure you accepted Christ's forgiveness.   And if you haven't, cut out the other guy completely and end all communication now.  

  • The attention of that other person probably feels so awesome but it's lust filled. I'm willing to bet it was the same between you and your husband when you first met. But it won't last as you can see. Love is a choice and a commitment. Your commitment is to your husband. Love him unconditionally. If you ask God for forgiveness He will forgive you. Do the dares one day at a time and expect nothing at all in return. Anything you do get give all the glory to God. He will strengthen you through this.

    The best advice I can give you is don't talk about this with anyone you don't 100% trust. Get a therapist for yourself and a marriage therapist if possible. Make sure they are Christians and limit your interaction to other Christians. You will get terrible TERRIBLE advice from worldly people.

    And be prepared to humble yourself under any circumstance. That's what Jesus did.

    "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

    James 4:10

  • Thank you for the advice. As in doing this with another couple. I am sending out the dates to the group and no idea what others are doing. It's fun for me. And makes me realize how much my husband means to me.  

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