17 – 01/22/2011 – Love Promotes Intimacy
Intimacy is out of the question for us. She won't even allow me to
kiss, hug or hold her. Wow, talk about pulling away.
The weekend started weird and went downhill from there, with a small
bright spot in the area.
Saturday I came home from work for our weekend together, relaxing and
she told me that she and my youngest daughter had been recruited for
a judo demo 1 ½ hours away and would be gone mid afternoon until
after supper/late. She said they would be eating out. I dealt with
it. We had breakfast and talked. She said she was appreciating that I
was giving her time and that she had decided to stay and work on us
as long as I exercised patience. I tried not to pry too much and
backed off the deep, heavy relationship talk. She did tell me that
our martial arts instructor had 'checked in' with her, asking how
things were going between us. She smiled and told me that it wasn't
me checking in so it wasn't bad. I laughed.
When she came home I was asleep, I was woken by daughter running up
and down stairs. I made the mistake of getting out of bed and going
downstairs to see Laura. She was sitting up texting someone. I asked
if she would come to bed to chat and she said no. I started to go
upstairs and came down again, telling her that I missed her. She said
she knew. I left. I left her to chat with her friend on the phone. It
wasn't horrible, but I should have listened to my little voice that
was telling me to stay upstairs. Ah well. I didn't explode, I wasn't
upset, I was disappointed and I missed her.
Sunday was OK, she left to run errands for a while, she came home, we
watched some football and a show or two. She had her laptop and phone
texting and chatting online for a while. I didn't say anything. She
was here, with me. What could I say?
I will continue to stay back, to enjoy my time with Laura when I get
it. I pray for her daily. I want her to be happy. I want to know that
me trying, 100%, is what I am supposed to be doing. I know this is on
god's time and I pray,eventually, that he guides her to break free of
her emotional and intimate friendships and turns that back over to
me. Laura told me that this is an exercise in patience and I should
ride it out. It is difficult for me. Am trying though. I love her
tons and want to make our family whole again. I pray that this works
out for us both.
Those feelings that force you to get out of bed and keep going back down stairs are the flesh. This is where you need to trust Christ and fight that flesh. There was no good reason for you to say anything or go back down. Actually that is you flat out looking for that positive response.
Not only do you need to just let go and let God, but you need to ficus on Christ completely. When these things come up, replace it with prayer. Get used to that.
Her still being in the flesh will consider it a challenge the more you replace chasing her with something else... And what better thing to replace her with than Christ?
Again this goes back to we have a jealous God, as long as she is first in your life, in your desires, in your heart, God has a reason.........
Sean, I know and I am changing it. It is tough though. Last night I went to bed, she stayed up, listening to her music and texting. I thought about going back downstairs, I knew it would be to ask her to come up, or to try and have a few more minutes with her but I knew it would be coming out wrong so I prayed. I fell asleep and actually slept pretty well. I have no idea what time she finally came to bed. I try to keep reminding myself that I should think and believe the best.
Mike, just think of her as a tool in God's hand. He is after you BIG time, for you to give in to His Lordship and for you to seek Him, to gain your position in life HIS WAY. He designed marriage, and your position as husband is directly under His mantle. Quit looking at her for the "signs" of how well you're doing (or not).
It's quite likely that she's pushing back and making this "impossible" for you to stand, just so you'll file and become the "bad guy" in this. DON'T FALL FOR IT!! What she really needs is for you to not cave in, and the only way you can do this is by tranferring your energy and focus onto Christ - the Word...drench yourself in it.
This is an incredible test that you can pass, my brother. There is a blessing awaiting you when she really no longer "matters" to you - by that I mean, she's not the focus of your every though and emotion. I suspect you are idolizing her, as I did my wife for quite some time. If so, confess it to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness, and seek His thoughts, His will and His emotions to live through you.
This may seem counterinuitive, since this journey "seems" to be about marriage. It's really not. It's all about Lordship, the Lordship of Christ - allowing God's love to pour through you - HE IS LOVE (I John 4:8)...more of Him, less of you = favor with God and man.
In the gap, brother. You can do this!
I know I am going to have setbacks on the route to my healing. I know God has placed tests for me to pass or fail. I know that each test I fail brings me closer to understanding Him and His plan. I failed this weekends test. I e-mailed Laura and admitted that. I admitted my failure. I admitted to not believing the best about her. I have many issues still to resolve. I think she is closer to leaving than ever. I think she has the paperwork filled out and is waiting for the right time. I know I have to give this all to God. After I e-mailed her and she e-mailed me back, pretty much telling me that she has seen me fail and that is a sign for her, I prayed. i felt calm. She is in God's hands. I hope to be also. I am wondering whether I should file papers and make her happy. She needs to be happy and I wonder if it is with me. I will keep praying. I will complete this dare and whatever happens.....happens.
Thanks for being here supporting me. I need all the help I can get right now. Pray for me.
I hate to say this, but you are missing a very importnat point if you are to ever win her. I want to encourage you NOT to write her about your "failing(s)" which is between you and the Lord - your confessions need to be with and to HIm, not Laura. These things are "spritually discerned" for you at this time of her rebellion. The testimony of change in your life is private, a happening between you and the Lord that cannot help but be seen when it's realized in you...ultimately the draw of and on her heart as yours is being led to and by the Lord!