– Day 12 – Love lets the other win.
Thanks again for all the comments. Thanks Sean for reminding me what
I have been through before and posted before. I do make an effort to
read posts from people here and my older posts as the dare approaches
for me this time through.
I backed off yesterday and today and it seems to have been rewarded,
somewhat. Yesterday I taught class afternoon and evening but halfway
through my afternoon class Laura texted me and invited me home for a
nice family dinner. I apologized for not marking class on the
calendar and explained that I was teaching and would like a
rain-check. She said no big deal and I ended the text session by
telling her that I appreciated the effort and it put a smile on my
face. She went to bed just as I arrived home from evening class so we
didn't chat much.
Today started so-so. The morning she was short with me, so I left her
alone. She came downstairs after a noontime nap (she has been feeling
worn out lately) and we talked nicely, watched a little TV and took
the dogs for a walk, just her and I. It was very nice. She is gone
tonight with the girls for a martial arts demo, so I am making dinner
for when they come home. I am hoping, and praying that she is in a
good mood and wants to pick up where we left off when she gets in.
I have backed off. I caught myself trying to, wanting to touch her,
kiss her and stopped myself before doing so. I guess I can learn.
I am still confused as to the direction God wants me to take. I pray
daily for guidance as to where my life and my relationship should be.
I want to be married to my wife and be happy again.
Today's dare is to let her win. I do almost all of the time. There
are not many disagreements in this house, except for the looming
divorce, that I don't work out with discussion with Laura. I guess
today's dare was when she went to take a nap after being up for a
couple of hours, I asked if she needed anything and then left her
alone and watched the kids. She wins. I thought maybe that she was
avoiding me, I prayed, was comforted and had a good afternoon after
wards. I am starting to believe the best and listening to her when
she says things and not pushing further.
I will keep plugging away.
II Tim 1:7 God has not given us the spirit of fear...it's time to rebuke this spirit of the devil. It's time to take charge of your mind and guard your heart with the Word of God.
II Cor 10:3-7. We are to bring our thoughts into captivity - obedient to Christ - destroying [rebuking] all speculations [imagination] raised up against the knowledge of God...
It sounds like you are allowing yourself to be captive of your imagination, allowing your thoughts and feelings to rule you. It's time to reverse this and take control of them...use the Word of God to renew your mind, renew a right spirit within you (changing your perspective), to allow the eyes of your heart to be enlightened (Eph 1) to His TRUTH!
God hates divorce, so there is no stand for you there - quit bringing it up. Stand on the Word, His righteousness will envelop you as you Let Him in and to take rule over you.
I know I sound "preachy" here, but I love you brother. It's time to stop this run-away of your emotions and thinking that is causing you such feelings of defeat and woundedness. Jesus Christ took on ALL of your infirmities. You are victorious, but like an eagle in a chicken coupe, you are being restrained from soaring in the victory that is your in Christ.
You know I stand with you. I pray for you, and encourage you to seek Him - His Word, Truth, and Position.
In and only by His grace,