12-25-2010 – Day 3 –
Love is Not Selfish.
asked me to get her something that told her I was thinking about her
today. As yesterday was Christmas I got her tickets to a show she
wanted, even though we agreed not to exchange gifts. I am naughty I
guess. So I thought a gift would be out of place today. I put my
wedding ring back on today. I know, I should never have taken it off
but I really thought we were over. I took a photo of it and sent it
to her, telling her my hand felt normal again, she replied that she
“saw” and “LOL”.
she loves me a little bit otherwise she wouldn't have given me
another chance, but I know she doesn't know whether to trust me. I
will prove it to her with the grace of God.
not put anything in front of my relationship with Laura. I will not
my jealousy, my insecurity become an issue for me anymore.
for Laura every day. I pray that, with time, she chooses to lessen
her relationships with her male friends to just friendship and that
she trusts me with her intimacy and her inner most thoughts again. I
pray that she is comforted and that she starts to heal from all the
hurt that I have caused over the last year.
said that this year has sucked. She said if it wasn't for the new
heater and windows in the house then we wouldn't have anything to
show for the year. She is right. I would be happy to forget this
year, but not the lessons that I have learned.
hugged me, kissed me yesterday without me begging. I felt awesome.
When I went for a hug she hugged back, really holding me and making
me feel like she wanted to be there too. I know I can't count on her
reaction to let me know how I am doing but it is a gauge, she holds,
kisses, hugs and loves me and I know I am doing the right things to
make her feel safe, secure and loved again. Positive reinforcement.
again for the comments. This is my 4th attempt through the
Dare, completing two. I will keep on with this as I learn more and
more about myself every time. I pray to be guided the right way, to
make the right decisions. I pray that Laura will not be hurt anymore.
I pray that my screw-ups will be minimal, limited to small stuff and
maybe be absent altogether.
that 2011 will be a better year and I only have myself to count on to
make that happen.
Mike, Merry Christmas! ... probably words that have a new, deeper meaning this time - huh?
This process of "earning trust" is not really about her at all. It's about you trusting more and more in the Truth of Christ, and His Truth increasing in your life. As you reach more for His meaning and provision in your life, the more you have His approval...AND, the more she will be free to love you and she'll be probably compelled to serve the Lord - to please Him. As you both learn more about pleasing our Lord, the more pleasing you will become to each other, and trust will build between you.
You putting Him FIRST is the key to her being free to trust you. It's not a formula that assures you a prize, but as you have witnessed, God chooses when and how to give you the desires of your heart. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)
I praise the Lord with you! I thank God for His mercy and grace - how He has bestowed them on you. Don't lose sight of the goal, which is to be more like Christ...
In and by His grace,
Mike, now phase 2 of this journey. . The harder part. Now think back to the first day of trouble. Remember one thing. Christ NEVER gave you more than you can handle. And He got you through it all.
Now, margin and balance. This part of the molding part can be tough. Now that you got here and she is back. Nothing comes before her. Jealousy, insecurity.... But one thing better. Christ. And with Him first, jealousy and insecurity will never be apart of your life. When you trust Him, those things are things of the past. Those are things the heart leads you to. But when you keep Christ first you lead your heart everywhere it goes.