11-02-2010 – Day 2 – still in a
bad place, thanks for your thoughts and prayers
for you thoughts, prayers, encouragement and suggestions. I am
listening to you and putting into practice everything that is
The last couple of
days have been bad. She is right, I have been pushing for the 'fix'.
We had a chat yesterday morning about our situation. She is looking
for houses and we were talking post-break-up finances. I told her
that she should stay, and that she fell in love with me once and that
it can happen again. She again reminded me that she just needs time
to forget what has happened and work on repair. She ended with, “be
my friend now and not my lover and who knows, pigs may fly and things
will change. Just because I am making this decision doesn't mean I
can't change my mind down the road.”
I haven't touched
or tried even to kiss or hug her in the past couple of days. I am
keeping my own schedule. I am making time for my kids and working on
me things. I am still praying, but thanking god for what I have. I
have a great job and awesome kids and friends. I have health. My wife
is my only downer, or bad part of my life right now, so I am blessed
even though that little part is killing me. I pray for peace and calm
before bed and for God to remove the bad thoughts about my
relationship (her re-dating/sex etc) from my head so I can sleep, and
I have actually slept quite well the last couple of nights.
My Day 2 dare was
to do something kind for her. I gave the day to her, she wanted time
to herself to shop, so she had it. I watched the kids, cleaned the
yard, mowed, cleaned the garage and put the bike and the pop-up away
from the winter. I cooked dinner while she was gone to judo and then
we watched a show or 2 before bed. I had a nice evening. She talked
to me about kid stuff, house stuff and general talk, nothing heavy,
nothing stressful. It was pretty nice. I realize that a night like
that, on the couch with my bride, even if she has fallen out of love
with me, is better than a night alone.
I will not mention
the relationship again, I will let God work. I will let counseling
work. If she chooses to move out then so-be-it. I will decide what to
do then. I will be her friend. I will wait quietly and patiently and
pray that she wants to be more. I will trust God, after all this
time, and pray for my life to become stable again, whatever ending
that has for Laura and I.
everyone here. I appreciate you all.
God Bless and onto
I struggle just as badly as you and am pushing for the 'fix'. I have to let go and stop trying to rush for reconciliation. I am hoping that counseling will help move things in some kind of direction. The key is I can't allow myself to let lonliness or anger compromise what I know what is right in the sight of God. He is always in control, and I will trust him.
The difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law...is the difference between doing tasks with a checklist - feeling deserving of appreciation - and doing it as unto the Lord, humbly, without expectation. It feels like you are "check-listing" a bit. Perhaps you could bring this to the Lord and see if He's wanting a different approach working through you. (Ps 139:23)
God is with you and so am I and others here,