11-02-2010 – Day 2 – still in a bad place, thanks for your thoughts and prayers

Thanks everyone for you thoughts, prayers, encouragement and suggestions. I am listening to you and putting into practice everything that is suggested.

The last couple of days have been bad. She is right, I have been pushing for the 'fix'. We had a chat yesterday morning about our situation. She is looking for houses and we were talking post-break-up finances. I told her that she should stay, and that she fell in love with me once and that it can happen again. She again reminded me that she just needs time to forget what has happened and work on repair. She ended with, “be my friend now and not my lover and who knows, pigs may fly and things will change. Just because I am making this decision doesn't mean I can't change my mind down the road.”

I haven't touched or tried even to kiss or hug her in the past couple of days. I am keeping my own schedule. I am making time for my kids and working on me things. I am still praying, but thanking god for what I have. I have a great job and awesome kids and friends. I have health. My wife is my only downer, or bad part of my life right now, so I am blessed even though that little part is killing me. I pray for peace and calm before bed and for God to remove the bad thoughts about my relationship (her re-dating/sex etc) from my head so I can sleep, and I have actually slept quite well the last couple of nights.

My Day 2 dare was to do something kind for her. I gave the day to her, she wanted time to herself to shop, so she had it. I watched the kids, cleaned the yard, mowed, cleaned the garage and put the bike and the pop-up away from the winter. I cooked dinner while she was gone to judo and then we watched a show or 2 before bed. I had a nice evening. She talked to me about kid stuff, house stuff and general talk, nothing heavy, nothing stressful. It was pretty nice. I realize that a night like that, on the couch with my bride, even if she has fallen out of love with me, is better than a night alone.

I will not mention the relationship again, I will let God work. I will let counseling work. If she chooses to move out then so-be-it. I will decide what to do then. I will be her friend. I will wait quietly and patiently and pray that she wants to be more. I will trust God, after all this time, and pray for my life to become stable again, whatever ending that has for Laura and I.

Thanks again everyone here. I appreciate you all.

God Bless and onto Day 3.....again.