Collaborate without boundaries

Love believes the best

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Well yesterday started out ok and then last night went bad again.  I have been really focusing on myself and where I want to be on this journey and for the first time in the dares I have felt a lot more peace than I ever have.  I have tried to stop always assuming the worst when we have a blowup or when he gets angry.  Yesterday I drove his car again to work and he took the truck to get fixed then he switched the vehicles out at my job. We spole briefly on the phone about this and then paying our vehicle taxes, business talk basically.  The nite before he was in a pretty decent mood and let our daughter stay up and watcha movie in the room with him and she ended up sleeping in there with him.  He never does this.  Well last nite he came home and got irritated because I had washed a load of his clothes the other day and he just now realized it and he thought I had washed some dirty car towels with his clothes. He said what have I told you about touching my stuff, you cant listen can you.  I said to him I was only trying to help since you have been helping me a lot with the truck and he said I dont need your help and when I ask you for help you cant even do it...I didnt know what he meant by this so I said what are you talking about and he said nothing it doesnt even matter nothing you do matters.  I got upset about this because I dont like when he says something but cant say what I did. I went into our daughters room and cried for a min then started to pray for God to help me stop getting upset over the things he says. I did not sleep well last nite because I started to run all kinds of things that have happened over the past year through my mind. His bike party is coming up on saturday and I am sure he will text me or say to me that he doesnt want me to come.  I have prayed for God to help me with that decision because I dont feel like either way its going to go well.  I am about to complete my dare today I am getting my paper now before work and am going to complete my lists. I hope that I will make it through today without letting him affect me...

  • I am not sure if I handle this right.  But when she tells me to stop helping with the laundry, etc.  I tell her, ok, I will stop, let me know if I can help you out again at some point with the laundry.  

    so, if he has asked you to stop helping in certain areas, maybe it's time to stop.

    To me, that is showing unity in what they desire.  and really, it gives us a little breathing room, since we are doing much of what they are doing anyway.  

    When he cant answer what you are doing that you can't do right, let it go. He is making it up, just to throw a dig at you.  And even if there is something little that you are doing not quite up to his way of thinking, let it go still, if it's something troubling you are doing, he is surely not going to bite his tongue.  What he's whining about it surely nothing.

    About the bike night.  Do you really want to go or is it just so you can keep an eye on him and let the other women know he is still married.  YOu dont need to respond.  If he chooses to go on his own.  Pray for God to keep a border around him that can not be penetrated and leave him to God on this night too.

  • I read the posts in here and it breaks my heart some of the things said to you all by people you love and who are supposed to love you.  There is nothing more hurtful in my opinion than someone dismissing us as if we aren't important or don't exist.  Sometimes I recall when I asked my husband if he didn't love me anymore, what did he feel about me.  To this day I wish I hadn't asked that question.  One of the things he said was "disgust".  That is what I remember when I allow my mind to dwell where it has no business dwelling.

    I am reading Beth Moore's book, "Believing God" and a daily exercise she suggests is repeating to myself these 5 things:  God is who He says He is.  God can do what He says He can do.  I am who God says I am.  I can do all things through Christ.  God's word is alive and active in me.

    It seems trivial upon first glance, but I am learning the power of words we speak.  When anyone speaks demeaning, destructive, insensitive, and just plain hateful things to us, it is then we have to act on faith by reminding ourselves we are not who they say we are, but instead, we are who God says we are!!  We are chosen!  We are beloved!  When we are belittled for trying to obey God and show our love in ways that may at times seem bumbling and awkward, we must remember God sees our hearts and is pleased with our obedience.  We have to remember who God says we are.

    I agree with Tim about doing what your spouse asks.  If he doesn't want you to do his laundry, don't.

    As for the party, I don't know what to say.  I wanted to be where ever my husband was and I think my reasons were conflicting to say the least.  I wanted to make sure he wasn't cheating.  I wanted to be where he was so he had to see me.  I felt desperation that I was losing him and could do nothing about it.  I wanted so badly to be included in his life again.  It caused me to react in some regrettable ways as well.  To be honest, I don't really know what could be worse; still living with him walking around on eggshells being constantly reminded he was done with me, or being divorced and having my mind wander to areas that are dangerous for me to dwell on.  I don't think any of us are in very envious positions, but somehow we all have to find a way to place our trust in God and leave it there.  Easier said than done, huh?

    Keep praying, Michelle.  If you have to give all this over to him a million times a day, just keep giving it to Him.  He is strongest when we are at our weakest.  He is faithful.

    We all have to find what works for us to keep our eyes and our focus on Him.  Ask Him to show you a way to do that.

    I will be praying for  you

  • MichelleD - You are our sister in Christ.  We love you.  Jesus loves you.  I am so sorry he is treating you like he is and I know it is hard but continue to let the light of God reflect from you.  Proverbs says A gentle word turns away wrath.  He doesn't want you to do his laundry, then don't do it.  Just say OK and move on.  Continue to build your relationship with Jesus.  If you put your complete trust in Him, He says you will want for nothing.  Focus on Him who is above who loves you unconditionally.

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