Today I am unable to complete my dare because hes not home and I doubt he will be home anytime soon. Today was my moms birthday and she wanted to go to hid restaurant to eat, imagine that so I took her. He sat with us while we were there eating and was nice and he talked, of course becuase she was there. He asked me to go pick up a decal that he had ordered for his car, I did even though I probably should not have. Last nite we spent some time togehter because our little girl was not feeling well and she wanted us to lay with her in her room and he did for a little while before he got up and went into our room like always. Tonight when he got home he changed his clothes and was on his way to his moms house when I noticed he had on a new hat and a new shirt and before I realized it I asked him where all this new stuff was coming from and asked him why he is trying to look so good and draw attention to himself. Boy that opened a can of worms he said what I cant look good and I have to ask you before I buy something. I said no it was just an observation and then he said well you know what I dont want anything when it comes to you and me you keep asking me well there is your answer take it how you want to take it. Then he said do you think you make me want to be here, if you keep it up I will leave for good. All of this because I asked about his shirt and hat. Of course I am upset becuase that is not what I want to hear, but I guess I know how he feels now, I guess now I know what lies ahead for us, he doesnt want to be here he doesnt want to be married.
Words, they are just words he is hurling your way. It doesn't feel good to hear those things, but his words are just tools he is using to try to keep control. Let his words go, give them no credit.
Try rephrasing how you talk to him. such as don't ask questions about where and why. If you want to make a comment about the new clothes, Just say you look nice. That sounds much kinder than being asked about the clothes. Questions make him defensive. I know it seems like it is always on your shoulders to watch what you do and say and you are the only one trying. but in his mind, he thinks he is trying, just by staying.
Keep patient, you do not know what really lies ahead or what he is really thinking. he doesn't even understand what he is saying, thinking, and doing. Be really slow to speak.
Thanks Tim, I know I have to do a better job of controlling my words and what I say to him and I have to stop thinking I have to remain calm and get myself back to where I was I have somehow gotten off my path.