I wish I would have read my dare for the day today before I even let my feet hit the floor. I should know the dares by heart by now but I dont. Last nite of coures my husband did he usual routine, I was off I should have picked up a shift at work but I just didnt feel like working I wanted to be home with him and the kids. Well of course he stayed in the room, he has been leaving the bedroom door open more he was watching basketball last nite, and at one point I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or the game together and he barked no. Of course I should no better than this but I once again let my feeling lead me when I know I should just act like he is not here. Then this morning he got up and was getting ready for work and again I let my feeling lead me I asked him why he was going to work so early because I thought he was supposed to work tonight. He said no I am working all day I asked him if he was going to be home late because of the arguement my parents and I had last weekend about him not being home to watch the kids when I am at work and he told me no I will be home late. I normally would have let this go but then I caught him packing his little motorcycle bookbag with his new hat that I got him for Valentines day and his jersey so I knew that he was planning to go somewhere after work and that is why he was getting defensive with me. So again I let my feeling lead me and I said just be truthful you dont have to hide that you are going someplace and he got defensive and said I'm going to work Michelle is that a damn problem I didnt say anything I just turned and walked out of the bedroom and he said to me see I try to talk to you and you just turn and walk away thats fine I wont talk to you anymore. He always gets like that but then when I say something to him he gets mad about that too., Its a no win situation. I then went and started to clean the house and prayed and read the bible and then I burned the list of negative attributes that I wrote down about my husband. I know that I have to stop letting my emotions lead me, it is starting to get to me again, the sleeping seperate, him ignoring me, our 4 year anniversary is a month away and last year at this time we were planning our anniversary trip not behaving like this. It is hard to swallow sometimes that this man hates me the way that he does. I try to find comfort in God and try to treata my husband with love and patience and kindness, it just gets frustrationg sometimes. I know that these are the times that I need to turn to God and I do, but I almost feel like maybe God is tired of me talking to him about me and my husband and because I worry still he is just waiting for me to just be at peace with my life and then he will show me his plan. I know I'm rambling its just I have a lot of thought and emotions and this is the only place I can truly vent. Im praying for peace in my heart and my head....
It's fine to now and then ask if he wants to watch a movie or game together. It shows unity. That's not leading with emotion unless you're doing it to find comfort in him.
Don't worry when he says things like you walk away when I talk. It will not last forever. He will break one way or another at some point.
Asking him to tell the truth. He isn't ready for that. He will remain quiet even if he's just going to the store for milk and bread. So remain in Christ's peace even when he's going somewhere and he's not sharing where.
When you mix your talks with God with praise and thanksgiving He isn't getting tired of you coming to Him.
Even the smallest of things like him leaving the door open so you didn't have to wonder what he's up to is a step to thank God for.
The same with he's using the hat you got BV him.