Today has been a struggle for me. This morning my husband was a bear he did not want me to drop him off at work instead he wanted me to drop him off at Mcdonalds down the street from his job. Then when I got to work he started texting me saying stuff like he will find someone to watch our daughter when he is home with her and I have to find someone to watch my son because he doesnt want my mom watching them anymore because of what my dad said to him last nite about being home with the kids and being a responsible husband. I said to him thru text why do you want to do this why is it always me doing stuff for my son who is his step son of course he did not respond. I didnt hear from him all day until it was time to come get him and he sends me a text saying go get me 300 dollars from the bank now so I can put it on the motorcycle I'm getting. No thank you no please just the expectation that I am going to do it. Then I go to pick him up at work and he is all laughs and smiles until he gets into the truck. Tomorrow he has a follow up doctor appointment and I asked for the afternoon off to go with him and I asked him what time he will pick me up and he said oh your not going to my appointment tomorrow, I dont need you. These are the things that make me so upset and make me want to say things to him, but I have found it is better if I keep quiet and just pray, but it does not take the sting away and doesnt make me feel like we are not going to be married much longer. One of my fears is once he gets another bike is that he is going to leave...
AS much as we are thankful our spouses are still under the same roof, the tough part is they are still under the same roof and hurl insults, harsh words, deep critiscisms, and just plain viciousness at us.
Do not let fear consume your thoughts. That is evils triumph when that happens. God will take care of tomorrow. Linda made a lot of good points, hope she starts replying more. HInt, hint...LOL. She made some good points on not letting your thoughts be consumed by the wrong things.
It is hard, when we are seeing the spouse the same way each day. when they laugh and are kind to others, but when face to face with us we see anger in their face.
But, the meanness he is showing you is affecting him too. He feels the conviction in all of this. He has too. Pray he not only feels the conviction, but also understands what it is and uses his free will accordingly.
It feels like there is no hope. but there is. And the greatest hope we all need to have before the hope of a renewed marriage is in the promises of Christ.
The night before we were telling our children about the divorce, my husband out of the blue sits beside me and says, "Look, when are you getting out? I am ready for you to move out so I can get on with my life and you get on with yours." Just like that. Divorce papers had not even been signed so I had a legal right to stay in that house. This was December 26, the day after Christmas. Granted, I packed that night, very loudly I might add, and I packed in anger. After we told the kids, I went out looking for an apartment. I had been looking at houses, but decided he wanted me out quickly so I would get an apartment so I could accomodate him. Was I hurting? Very much so, but in the back of my mind all I could think was...my trust is in YOU, God...my trust is in YOU! I moved out New Years day. Our divorce will be final Thursday, the 19th. I will be taken off his insurance, so I've had to scramble to get something. Have run into snags with the government insurance market that may cause problems with my taxes later on, so I've acquired some unknown insurance that I don't fully understand in hopes that it will be enough in case something happens before I can straighten out the insurance market fiasco. I have forgotten how to even balance a check book, much less try to figure out all I need to figure out just to make sure I have enough finances to live on. My first night in this apartment by myself I nearly gave in to such fear of what is going to happen to me now, but I remembered God is faithful. He keeps every promise He has made to me in His Word. His Word says in Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." (definition of rampart: a defensive wall of a castle or walled city, having a broad top with a walkway and typically a stone parapet.) I remember He feeds the sparrows and clothes the flowers and I KNOW He loves me more than those, so how much more will He take care of me? I think the best lesson I have learned through my marriage breaking up is how to pray...how to consume His Word and hide it in my heart and how to humble myself before Him and ask His precious Holy Spirit to search the deep recesses of my heart to reveal what I have hidden there that needs purging. AS God has shown me what is in my own heart, it becomes nearly impossible for me to find fault with my husband, but I find I have compassion for him because he doesn't know this Jesus I am falling so in love with! It drives me to pray for him like I've never prayed before! I pray the hedge around him, not out of jealousy, but out of a heart that knows the damage sin like that does to a soul. I have asked God to not hold his decision to divorce me against him...Christ has moved my heart to pray as He did on the cross....to forgive him because he hasn't a clue what his choices are doing or how sinful they are. I grieve that he doesn't know the love and freedom that comes with knowing Jesus. I was a lousy wife. I was selfish, hateful, bitter, angry, lazy, and so so many other things, but losing my husband drove me right into the arms of a God who loves me in spite of my ugliness...who loves me...faithfully, completely, unconditonally! Honey, you dig into God's Word...you take Him at His Word! I have commented on a few blogs this scripture...Exodus 14:14...God will fight for you!!! Watch "War Room"...the character Clara said, "You tell God what you want, then you get out of His way and let Him fight for you!" Your best battles will be in your prayer closet!! If your husband chooses to leave, that DOES NOT mean the journey is over! A divorce does not mean the marriage is over! We either believe God can and will answer our prayers for our spouses, or there simply is no hope for any of us and I do not believe that. I refuse to believe that, because God has shown Himself faithful way too many times. You pray, pray, pray for your husband...and when you are tired of praying for him, you pray some more! God loves us and because He loves us, His love for us compels Him to work on our behalf when we pray according to His will. But for most of us, His perfect will for us during this time is to turn our hearts totally over to Him...our marriages being restored and made new is just the icing on the cake.