Collaborate without boundaries

and the enemy krrps gunning for me

  • Comments 7

So the last entry I wrote was a few days ago and since then a bunch has happened.  I ended up getting a new kitten for our daughter so there is one more thing to focus on at home :)  Friday and Saturday my husband did not come home until 4 am both nights.  I had an actuall emergency on friday.  I had been having some stomach pain for a few days and then friday morning I had topull over because I had such an intense pain in my stomach and was vomitting.  I had to call my husband to come pick me up and he dropped me off at the ER.  I had to call out from both jobs.  It turns out I had kidney stones. He was so aggitated and ended up texting me some mean texts one of them saying what is taking you so long I have things to do blah blah.  Never asked how I was feeling or what was going on.  As soon as he picked me upI could tell he was going to go somewhere with his club.  He never even asked me what was wrong when he picked me up so I didnt tell him.  As soon as he dropped me off he left didnt come home until 4 am.  The next morning he got up for work and was gone by 8 and didnt come home or text me or anything on Saturday and came home again at 4 am.  His best friend texted me on saturday and said that he had called him and they were talking about some stuff and he said to him that he better take his butt home before I divorce him and he responded by saying I dont care I hope she does.  This was horrible to hear but I did not say anything to him at all.  Yesterday was a horrible struggle with his mom she was very combative and saying mean things and would not take her medicine and of course when he got home she was telling him stuff like I told her she was going to die soon (I did not say this)  he of course had to give me a lecture on how horrible I am at taking care of his mom and how he doesnt want me to do anything for them anymore and I need to mind my business blah blah and I dont listen blah blah.  He always has something negative to say to me can never praise me for anything that I do good.  It really wears on me.  Today I woke up anxious about a lot of things and had to just pray and pray for God to handle everything because I just cant anymore....

  • Maybe this is exactly what God wants you to be, to the point where you cant handle it anymore.  Then you really, really have to give up and leave it all to Him.  (I am not saying you haven't done a good job leaving it all to Him., but maybe He's asking even more of you.)

  • Kidney stones.  I had one during this trial  as well.  The only way I could find  relief was to lay in a tub of the hottest water I could handle.  I slept in the tub for 3 nights.  Mine let me drive to the emergency room in the middle of the night and slept through it  all.  I told her I think they are going to have to operate on me before I left, it felt so bad.  I thought the doctor was crazy when he said kidney stone.  

    Your husband, my wife, they surely have to feel conviction when they let us go through so much pain and go to the ER on our own.  And never check up on us.  Who does that?  A person not in their right mind.  It  speaks volumes of where their mind is  verses how our emotions make us feel.  Just realize his lack of  sympathy reflects badly only on him, not  on you.

  • Unfortunately he just feels like he has to ignore you to keep justifying his actions.

    What he says to his friend  about wishing you would...It is only talk, it doesn't necessarily relate to what he really wants.  He doesn't know what he wants. If he did, he would either fish or cut bait. he would either start trying to reconcile or he would pursue a d.  And maybe he really wants to reconcile but he just doesn't know how to.

    For a several years, and especially for a few months before she asked for a d, I was really wanting to make her happy and to turn our  marriage  around.  I just didn't know how.  I had  no idea what  to do or how to act.  He really may  be in the same boat.  

    pray he is given the wisdom to know what to  do when he feels Christ's conviction.  

  • As much as this wears on you, you have Christ that is continually renewing you and offering you His peace to accept.

    Realize everything he is doing, staying out so late, ignoring his mom and you, etc, all this is wearing  on him as well.  Yet he chooses not to listen to God, and this adds to his stress.  He has to come to a  conclusion of what to  do at some point or  come to his breaking point at some point.  

  • We read these things and it makes our problems seem small. You have a lot going on. Keep taking care of his mom with all the love in your heart. It sounds like she is not in her right mind and your husband definitely isn't. You live to please God, not them.

    Hopefully his best friend becomes an influence on him. God can use him to convict your husband. What a blessing to hear that someone is in his ear about this.

    He does care. He's just having trouble figuring that out. He's heading to rock bottom and if he hits it he will wake up. I did. I thought I didn't care for a long time. I just didn't know how to express how I really felt. Plus I was trying to hide it all from God. Doesn't work.

    Remember not to be anxious about anything. Proverbs 4:6

  • Sorry Philippians 4:6- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

  • Also remember, the enemy is subtle. He prowls around like a roaring lion seeking to devour. He creeps in little by little.

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