Collaborate without boundaries

Today I need to try to keep my focus

  • Comments 6

After yesterday and the whole condom thing I have been having a rough time trying to keep my focus on where it needs to be.  I know that I have to focus on God and that is it, but things keep coming at  me. Like last night for instance I was at work and my sister in law texts me to tell me that she saw him a ta party and he was hanging around women all night especially the one in the club that I already have my suspicions about.  Then today I was picking up some clothes off our bedroom floor and there was a receipt on the floor under his jeans for hennessy at the restaurant where they have bike night every thursday nite.  He does not drink alcohol at all so I know he bought this for someone probably the woman in the club because she was there that night because of course who else would tell me but his sister.  I told her today that I am blocking her because I cannot keep hearing this stuff.  I already know now that he is probably having sex with someone I dont need things to constantly keep being pushed in my face.  We have not spoken since yesterday and I have not seen him he came home late last night and me and my daughter were in our room so he slept on the couch.  This is really hard I want to try to make him talk but I know I cant so I have to be still.  being still is so hard when you have so many emotions boiling up inside.....

  • Good for you for blocking her! I've had to limit contact with one of my friends who is constantly putting anxiety and doubts into my mind. Continue to focus on God, on what He is doing instead of what you see before you.  That is the only way to get through this and be a better person. Let him fill you with love and comfort, and He will if you just ask Him.... I'll keep praying!

  • I am not sure what to say here as a help to be honest, especially with the journey I am on and the mistakes and emotions involved.  

    First, pray on if and how God wants you to respond.  I think it is often best to be still and let God fight for you.  But also, you are his wife and you have a right to talk to him about what happened - it is the way that you have the conversation that shows God's love and I often times in the earlier days of my hubs affair could not keep my emotions in check as we got further into the conversation.  I've had lots of practice over the past 2 years so it is easier now to keep my emotions in check most times.  It also helps to get the emotions out instead of keeping them in.  But I have turned to writing myself a thousand letters and notes instead of telling my hubs.  I use notes in my phone when I get the urge to text him when I am emotional and waited an hour...usually I don't feel like sending something then.

    I KNOW how hard this is and all the thoughts and attacks the enemy uses to try to separate us from God and destroy our marriages.  Remember, it is not your hubs or even any other woman who is the enemy...it is Satan who has trapped those we love into doing his bidding by their own free will.  

    Praying for God to remove the burdens of your love and fill you with peace, and strength.

  • In the past on this site, there was one of our spouses that planted things like receipts etc to play with her husband's emotions.  I am not saying this is happening with your husband, and I am not suggesting you try to find comfort in thoughts as this.  But put the receipt out of your mind.  

    Let go of all the thoughts the best you can that have been running in your mind.  And just praise and rejoice in how you have all you need in God.  And how you are growing in Him. and how He loves and takes care of you so much and so well.  

    You can be in peace even in the hurt.  And he will notice.  And that is good.

  • In the past on this site, there was one of our spouses that planted things like receipts etc to play with her husband's emotions.  I am not saying this is happening with your husband, and I am not suggesting you try to find comfort in thoughts as this.  But put the receipt out of your mind.  

    Let go of all the thoughts the best you can that have been running in your mind.  And just praise and rejoice in how you have all you need in God.  And how you are growing in Him. and how He loves and takes care of you so much and so well.  

    You can be in peace even in the hurt.  And he will notice.  And that is good.

  • I am on shaky ground in this reply, more so than normal.  So, really pray and make sure this is the way to go.

    but you have a right to defend your marriage.  So, it may be right to let him know in kindness and patience, that the things you have been seeing as of late are going completely against your marital vows.  And not just an attack on you, but the kids as well are affected by what he is possibly doing.

    He may get mad and be hurtful to place all the stress on you vs accepting the stress himself.  Or he may know he is in the wrong and feel humbled.  I really don't know

    As far as if you should say anything, if there is doubt after some time or even days of praying, then it's best to be still.  

  • I am on the fence too.  Part of me thinks I should have kicked my wife out the day she told me about her affair.  I know that's what she wanted.  She really wanted out, and for me to forgive and try and make it work went against what she would hope would have happened.  She kept asking me to yell at her or scream and get it out,  

    My response was simple.  You know you hurt me.  You also know he used you and wasn't really wanting you.  So I think you are suffering enough for me not to make you feel better by justifying your actions by yelling and screaming at you.

    I hope that you get the guidance you need from the Lord.  Only he can give you the answers because he knows your husbands heart.  Amazing that you didn't let the flesh win this time.

    I'll be praying for you.

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