Collaborate without boundaries

Today is his birthday...

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Well today one year ago I didnt even know where my husband was he had gone out of town and I had not heard from him all weekend and then the week after he disappeared for a week with no contact at all.  Todau went a little different, this whole weekend iI have been praying for God to guide me because I know at some point without God I would let my emotions lead me.  Friday night he was out late till after 2 am and the same last night.  I know he was at some bike club party both nights.  This morning he was home and we planned to take him to eat the kids and I so we went to a hibachi place. My sister in law ended up showing up she had asked me what we were doing and I told her where we were going but I did not invite her so when I saw her I must say I was a little aggravated but I pushed it to the side to focus on the fact that all of us were together to celebrate his bday.  When he opened his gifts he came around the table one by one to hug everyone and he gave me a hug and a kiss.  This man has not kissed me since his surgery in november both of our older daughters said at the same time daddy you havent kissed her in forever.  I was in shock myself.  We left and came home and he was getting ready to go see his son becuase the share the same birthday and our 4 year old was upset because I could not go.  His sons mother will not let me around her son so i have to stay home.  There is no good reason for it she has always been like this.  She has said once before that I broke up their family however that had not been togehter for years when we started to date.  My husband got aggravated that our daughter was acting like this and of course took it out on me saying I was making her upset because I was making a big deal out of them going to the party  I had not said a word about it.  I just looked at him and said nothing.  They have all come home and he is going out somewhere.  I am trying not to think bad but he has been going out a whole lot and the past two sundays he has stayed out until after 4 am which makes me think he is seeing someone and this is the time he spends with her.  The other thing that makes me think he is going to a womans house is because the other day he rode his bike and cam home that night not in his work clothes so what he had on he had to have someplace, unless he is keeping it at work which I doubt.  I am pretty sure his bike club is not doing anything for him because some of them were out of town this weekend but who knows.  His sister today of course sent me some pictures that he had on fb for today and was saying how all kinds of women were wishing him a happy birthday.  I told her again today that if she cannot control herself and stop doing this then we will not be speaking anymore and I mean that.  I am trying to believe the best tonight but it is hard. My daughter and I will be sleeping in our room becuase she doesnt like to sleep in her room when her sister is here so I dont know where he will sleep, last time she was here he slept wih us in the room but today may be different. I am thanking God tonight that we had the good family time that we had today and am thanking God for keeping me calm because it is only thru my praying and Gods guidance and protection that I am able to keep going and keep standing for my marriage and praying that I can remain constant in my faith and not let my emotions guide me. One thing I am trying not to do is get my hopes up in any way because of the hug and kiss today because I know that once he feels himself soften towards me he will harden rite up again, often worse than before.....

  • Enjoy the memory of the kiss and hug.  That was big.  but each time you enjoy the memory, end it by letting God know you enjoy His presence so much more.

    When a good thing happens, as you know, you really, really need to continue giving space and having no expectations of him.  And you did that.  And he sees that.  And  that's probably why he jumped on you about the daughter getting upset you could not go.  He has to get a win in somehow.  Just another silly way for him to justify himself, to himself.  But it's not working as well as it once did.  he knows more and more how this type of justification does not hold up.

  • It does seem like when they soften up a bit, they make sure they do things like counter acting it by staying out more and later.  But in time, he may start coming home much earlier.  and when he does, he will probably even let you know, because he wants attention and a good reaction.  It's funny.  We have no expectations and don't seek approval with our good changes while we stand, but they will when they change for the better.

  • I really, really hesitate to say this.  I don't want to give any false hope.  But it looks like he may have softened a bit.  Continue to not let your emotions lead you, be even more patient than you have been.  Bite your tongue harder than you have been.  And leave it all in God's timing more than you have been.

    It doesn't make sense but he will if he continues to soften, go up and down.  Maybe have a day or two where he is just a jerk and really hard on you.  But he can come home the next day like nothing happened.  and he may still make sure he stays out really late.  Probably just a way to show he is still in control.

  • If you block his sister, will he get mad, because she will probably tell him.  If so, you probably will want to tell him  your plans, so he doesn't think the worse about it.  Maybe let him know you are trying to protect him from the negative things she says about him.  

    Above all, continue to put God first, way above him no matter how he acts.

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