Collaborate without boundaries

Back on the site after what seems like forever

  • Comments 8

Well I am finally able to journal again, Praise God.  I have had a hard time figuring out how to journal on here lol.  I am back after a period of time off I was getting burned out doing the dares after 5 rounds and what seems like no changes in my husband or marriage. I really had to take a step back and focus on me and my journey.  The last time I posted my husband was on his way to bike week and the day he left we found out my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 stomach cancer. He actually took her to this appointment and when I came home from work he was all ready to leave and was in such a great mood. He gave me a real tight by and said he would call me when he got there. When he left he called me a few minutes later and told me to not think like a nurse but a daughter and just be there for my mom, he said that he knows that I like to take control of situations and this is one time I need to just love her and be there for her.   I heard from him a few times while he was away.  A lot of crazy stuff has happened since then. He is still home, we still sleep in seperate rooms. He still spends a good bit of time away from the house and with the bike club.  The question of whether or not he is seeing one of the women in his club has come up among some people because they are very tight and in pictures she is very close to him. I try to believe the best. I have come rite out lately and asked him if he has a girlfriend because he has started the whole coming home at 4 am again. I do thank God though because last year at this time he actually left for an entire week and I did not hear from him. 

We recently took a trip to maine together as a family, my husband, me, two of our kids and my mother. We drove there from SC for my grandmothers 80th birthday and it was siccessful for the most part. We had to sleep in the same room with our daughter, he spoke to me a lot was very nice around my family.  When we got home though I noticed that his wedding ring was missing from the spot it has been on the dresser for the past year. I had a freak out moment and started to cry I asked him what he was going to do with it was he going to throw it aways was he going to pawn it?? He asked my why was I crying and said that he has it.  Two days later I found it in the arm rest of the truck.  I never said a word to him about finding it, I am just letting it go.  Maybe he planned on putting it back on, who knows.  

The past week or so things have been tense because I waited up for him one night after he had been out for 5 nights straight till 4 am and I aksed him where he was going and if he had a girlfriend. Of course he got an attitude and said I dont have a girlfriend dont ask me again. Well of course now our communication has stopped and he has gone back to being very distant.

This weekend is his birthday and his bike club is having a party for him. My good ol sister in law who is so full of information and opinions told me and said that usuallt the wife is invited but because I am never around they will probabaly not invite me.  

I pray daily for the strength to still stand for this marriage. At times I feel like there is nothing left to stand for. At times I feel like things will always be this way. Then I have to stop and praise God that I am where I am.  I have grown so much in my faith.


  • Take your eyes off of him as your husband.  and look at him as just a child of God.  Think of him as a lost little toddler wondering the streets.  You certainly would want that little boy found and placed in safety with his family.  So do the same for your husband, and pray for him that Christ as his shepherd reigns him in and saves him from the world.  And feel sorry for him.  

    The more we think of our spouses as lost children of God while still standing for our marriage, the more we look at our spouses through the lenses of Christ.

  • I think one time I mentioned if you quit doing the dares after one or two rounds I would say something, but after 4 or 5 rounds would not.  

    But, was that you quitting the round as a form of taking control? I am not thinking it was or wasn't.  But, there are things you do mention that were a form of you taking control.  Such as asking him about a girlfriend, possibly snooping to find out where the ring was, And even staying up one night to wait for him.

  • He was doing a lot of things in the right direction.  He seemed to soften a lot really.  But you were having expectations, such as saying you didn't see changes in him after doing all those rounds.  

    When they do start to soften a bit, it is often a dangerous time.  Because that is when we sense their wall dropping and we either feel like now we have a bit of advantage and can manipulate them a bit or we want to pull their car up to ours, because we do not want to wait any longer on God's timing.

  • And they sense that, and raise their wall up again.

    Go back to leaving him all to God.  While you continue that foundation in your testimony of being patient and kind.  And continue to let God mold you, and also him.

    it's kind of funny.  I have just been through something similar.  I got info from one of our kids, like your sister in law does to you.  Yes, after things look a little better and we get hit like that, we really want to find the truth and take control.  

  • But we have to Be still and remember Who got us to this point of being able to still stand and let it go to the foot of the cross.  Because all we can do it botch it up.

    I was just thinking of where you have been yesterday since you hadn't been on for a while. Welcome back.

  • oh, and the sister in law. I think in the past you may have mentioned to her you do not need to be filled in with her opinions or gossip about him.  She still seems bent on bringing you down, even if she thinks she is doing the right thing.  

    Is it time to block her from getting texts like that?  If so, maybe in unity you should talk to your husband about that and why you think you should block her texts.  Well, if you at all think that should be done, blocking or talking to him, cettainly pray about it and make sure it is part of God's will for you.

  • I know its hard but your story really encourages me to go on and keep working on myself during this Love Dare. And I agree with Tim maybe you should stop talking to your sister in law. I had to stop talking to my man's mother because it kept me in a place of constant hurt and feeling left out of all they do. Just pray about the situation with his birthday. Trust me I know it hurts sooo bad but God will see you through no matter what happens.

  • Welcome back.   Compared to my situation there is massive hope.  I would still take my wife back, knowing she has been with another.  My Love for her transcends that.  I will never stop.  I worry about her, seeing that she has taken Uber some days.  Either she was too drunk to drive or went home with someone.  I don't know.  I can't be there to protect her, comfort her, and be the husband I was commanded to be.  Not by my choice.

    You are lucky.  Not that I think it isn't hard on you.  I lived that for only a month.  But there is more of a chance then I have.  Try to reflect Christ as much as you can.  Stop prying or asking him questions.

    Give him as much rope as he needs.  Just let him know you are holding the other end in case he needs a tug to bring him back if he needs it.

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