Collaborate without boundaries

Day 1 round 5

  • Comments 3

I just finished working a 16 hour day and I am mentally exhausted and physically. I am having a really hard day and feel broken. I feel like my life is always going to be this way no matter what I do or how much I pray for guidance.  I'm so upset rite now because it seems like everyone in my life just disregards how I feel or what I mite be going thru. The big fight that me and my husband had earlier this week is still lingering around. He is not speaking to me at all. He called his best friend the other nite and talked to him for about three hours and told him all about our fight, and of course his friend proceeded to text me about it and asked me why I was so dramatic about everything and how if I would just not nag my husband and listen to what he says things would be different. He apparently told his firend that he loves me but I am a nag and I dont listen to anything he says and that he is trying to teach me a lesson. Then yesterday he didnt come get me from work and it took me two hours to walk home. His sister told me today that he talked to her yesterday about our fight and told her that in his eyes we are not married anymore and she said she just laughed at him and said whatever and he said no for real we are not. Now I would have wanted her to say something better than this but she is not me. To hear this today really hurt my feelings. I know that I cannot expect my husband to feel the same about me, but to hear this really put into perspecitve what our future is probably going to hold. I dont know if he is telling them these thimgs to see who mite be talking to me and then he can prove his point that he always trys to make that I have everyone against him. When he picked me up at work today I got into the truck and I had to turn my body basically and look out the window because I could not even look at him without crying. I know I am supposed to find peace in Christ, but I swear for some reason today it seems like everything is just worse than ever and I cant seem to find peace no matter what I do.  I have prayed I have tried to focus on other things, I cant. I came home tonight so tired and my body in pain and the house was a mess a total disaster and our 4 year old still up. As soon as I got home he went into the bedroom and locked the door. He told his sister when he was talking to her that I choose to sleep with our daughter and that I have been doing that for a long time. I dont get why he is making stuff up. It is so hurtful. I am trying to be still and let God work. I am not going to say anything to him about what has been told to me. I am trying to believe the best and be thankful for all that is good I have a place to live, healthy children, two jobs and he is home. Honestly I was hoping that 2017 would start a little better than this. My dare today was to not say anything megative to my spouse and I definitely was able to complete this dare. I havent spoken one word to him all day I have barely even looked at him. Maybe this is the end and I am afraid to realize it. Maybe we are not supposed to be together anymore, but I try to believe that God would not have blessed us and brought us together if it was not his plan.  I dont know anymore. 

  • First, have no expectations when things may get a little bettter, such as 2017. , the new year.  I know when I am exhausted, the emotions get more heightened, the frustration comes up, patience is more difficult, and i don't have the physical or mental capacity that i should to be as strong in Christ.  So, really make no decisions or really try to BE still in the tiredness of days like this.

    It is fine not to really talk to him at all.  It is giving him space and he really doesn't want to hear from you.  but even these days you can still greet him in kindness.  

    kDont' worry about how he is manipulating people to believe the lies he is saying about you.  He is trying to continue to justify himself and also fight the conviction he feels from Christ.  Do not listen to the world speak.  

    Do all you can, through the strength of Christ to have no expectations, to not look to him for comfort, and to give him all the space you can.  

  • Something I heard on Christian radio.  And you did it.  It's to say to yourself 50 things you are thankful for.  Such as your healthy children, he is home, etc.  One example on the radio was his sister said all she could list was running water.  I think when I was really down when i heard this, one of the things I listed was I had shoestrings.  LOL.  but I did feel so much better afterward knowing I had all these blessings from Christ.

    Dont listen to evil or the flesh giving you the idea that maybe you aren't suppose to be together any more.

  • Wow.  I just realize you are on round 5 already.  You are building endurance in Christ.

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