First off all I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and was able to spend time with their loved ones. This year the holidays have been exceptionally hard for me. I have been feeling extra emotional because Christmas time has always been a good time for me and my husband and this year he has been so different. He has extra cold and mean. He has been spending a lot of time on facebook more than usual and he even blocked my son so I cna no longer see anything he is putting on there. He has started to lock me out of the bedroom again and I have noticed his attitude has gotten very mean to everyone. This past week I asked him if we could please just keep the peace for the kids and try to have a good Christmas. He of course did not respond just looked at me. He has gone back to me not sleeping in the same room. Then this week he and our middle daughter went to see his son and of course I was not allowed to go and she told me that his ex was fluttering all around him and trying to be nice to him and asked him to come over every saturday for dinner and when they left she said oh wait you need one of my hugs and she gave him a big long hug. This of course upset me when I heard about it because he acts nice to her and she has done some awful things to him. Christmas Eve we went to his sisters house for dinner and for a little while he put on the show and then he started acting like I did not exist of course. When we got home instead of watching a movie as a family like we always do he went into the room and locked the door. Christmas morning he had a few gifts under the tree for me but all that was written on it was my name not from him. He spent pretty much the whole day in the bedroom despite the fact he received some really good gifts from me. I have been working my behind of at two jobs to make sure we had stuff for the kids for Christmas and I wanted him to feel loved as well. I know it is not about the actual gift its about the thought but its hurtful when a person acts like the could not care a less about what they got. Today he went back to work and I'm thinking he will be in a better mood because all the 19-20 year old girls will be around him boosting his ego even though he is 42 and he should not flirt with them the way he does. Our daughter is 19 so that really disgusts me. Today I am supposed to ask him to pray with me. I know that more than ever I need to pray for myself. I have been having trouble with praying I feel like there is nothing left to pray for that I havent already prayed. I try to ficus on praising God more than anything else, bue even that is difficult at time to find things that I am grateful for and praising God for. I guess I am just in a funk....
I think if you stop looking for any husband type qualities from your husband you won't feel the hurt so much. To really give up any type of expectation from him.
We often hear to put God above our spouse. And I am certain you have done that. But it may have to go further than that. To maybe the point that you still love him and show patience and kindness but beyond that, let him be completely to God to handle. To stop any sort of caring for your marriage. Not that you dont care, or want the marriage to reconcile, but to give all the caring, worrying, and wondering how it can work out to God to handle.
Lynn speaks of detaching from him in her last few entries. I think she means she still loves him unconditionally, but she has let go of everything of him and given it all to God.
It takes time to get to this point. I doubt I have described it accurtately at all. But when you do you will have more peace. His words and actions may till hurt, but God's peace covers that hurt so easily and quickly. And this is when you lead the heart, and if you can begin to love him only for the honor of honoring God and your covenant.
Stop asking him to do things for the kids sake. He won't change because of your request, no matter how much it makes sense. And let the kids see how peaceful and happy you are in the love of Christ.
And it's a good thing he blocked your son of FB. This gives you less of a chance to snoop.
If he is flirting with young girls, there may be one that will put him in his place. If there are any girls under age, a dad may step up and put him in his place.
My 15 ir 16 daughter tried to stop a 49 some year old male from flirting with her several times. I found out wanted to punch him, but called the manager of the store and they fired him the next day. Something like that may happen with him. And it may be enough to open his eyes to his foolish ways. Plus I would think most girls that age would think a guy your husgand's age is kind of old or creepy. So, don't let this get to you.
Give it all, every hurt, every thought, every desire, every longing.......give it all to God to deal with. Then be patient and let God do His work.
And do your best to complete the dare.