Today I am supposed to remove a need from my spouse and rite now I am not even sure what he needs. The man has been giving me the silent treatment since Last Sunday nite when we had a huge blow up. This week we tried to take our daughter to see Sanat and it was the most uncomfortable I think I have ever felt with him. While we were at the mall we ran into his ex wife and his son and that was horrible. I had to sit across the food court becaues she will not allow me around her son (no reason at all for this I have been nothing but kind to her) and watch my husband interact with her and her children with our daughter and of course he was all smiles and laughing the whole time. It was heartbreaking for me to watch because that is the way we used to be, we never had all this hatred and cruelness ever. I can honeslty say that I have changed my whole way of thinking about life since we started going thru this storm. I try hard to give everyone love and be kind in all situations, however It is sometimes hard because it is not returned. I dont do things out of love and kindness for a return but it would be nice to know sometimes that I am appreciated.
The ride home was pretty bad, he had even more of a stone face and I blurted out because I was upset about how the whole nite went that if he wants a divorce then he can have it, but lets please try to get thru Christmas peacefully for our daughter. Of course he diid not respond he didnt even look at me. I have been trying to enter every situation with my husband with no expectations at all. He has become a person I dont even know anymore. He is always all; smiles and talkative around everyone but me. This holiday season is becoming harder and harder to get thru, it once was my favorite time of year, I love giving to people and I love the kids during this time of year. We have had a hard 6 months and all of it I was hoping to calm down some by now.
I guess the thing I am going to sacrifice for him is my want for things to become more peaceful. I am going t make sure that I stay out of his way and just continue to try to make each day the best I can. I know I have voiced to him recently that I wish he would find a relationship with God and that I think he needs professional help becuase he is possibly depressed, but I am no longer going to say a word to him. We will just live in the house like we dont exist to the other person. It is so hurtful to see him so happy around everyone else but me. I am at a point where I dont know what else to do. I have been praying daily, reading, reading devoitonals and trying to believe the best in everything and love uncondionally however I dont know what else to do at this point but just exist.
Keep reading, praying, being kind, and then just be still and know He is 'God.
Saying if you want a d, and you need God, these things you bring up are not going to help but hurt at this point.
He is going to exaggerate the smiles and laughter with others especially when you can see and hear him. It is him trying to get to you, to get you to break so he can say you are the same and this is all a ruse in what you are doing.
The old him is still there, but just buried under his flesh that is trying so hard to prove he is right, even when it is so difficult for him to justify his actions.
So the best way to keep it difficult to justify his actions is to let him do what he is doing by giving him space, and let God place conviction upon him to bring him to where he needs to be.
There is just one thing you can do to fix this, and that is to leave him to Christ to fix as you grow in this journey.
It gets tough at times. but when it gets so tough you can't take it much any longer, Christ's strength will be given to you. As His wisdom and love is given to you.
When he is quiet or even exuding anger, be you in Christ. Shine Christ's light, let Him see the light in you. He will be affected one way or the other in the light. And be in His peace.
Before and after my wife moved out she wasn't lit up and happy around me either. There is a tension and emotional overload with you that he cannot escape. Around other people he gets a release and feels comfortable around them but remains uncomfortable around you.
You need to find ways to ease the tension around yourself. If you keep blowing up and yelling or arguments, this does nothing but create more tension. This is where the dares come in and teach you how to reflect Christ. You have to be the better person, you need to come at every interaction with him as if you were being guided by the Lord. WWJD? What would Jesus do?
You love your husband, right? Then when you speak to him, let your love guide you. Lead your heart and try not to let the pain and other emotions control you.
Look at yourself from his perspective. Would you want to be with someone that has acted like you have acted?
Oh MDarby you are not to blame for your husbands abusive actions and yes the silent treatment is a form of abuse. Please check out the site psychopathfree.com. A lot of your husbands actions and treatment of yourself has been experienced by many, many women. Even how he is behaving with his exwife is part of it all. No doubt he has gone behind your back and smeared yourself to her, most likely spreading lies, hence her behaviour to yourself. You have done nothing wrong.
Hey Mdarby. Yes the silent treatment is a weapon used to bully and control. Please read some of Lundy Bancroft's work on angry and controlling men. Yes the Bible is your first guide but you need to know how some people (especially men) use different strategies to control their spouses. Once you know the play book, you can respond with love, but tough love that requires respect.
Hi MDarby, I hope you see this. I know im commenting late.
I agree with everything Tim and Snaz are saying. Be you in Christ when dealing with your husband and let your love always lead your heart, not the other way around. Unfortunately, our hearts wont lead us in the right direction. The only thing I want to add to their comments is to please stop letting his actions affect you so much. When you see him interacting with someone and "acting" happy, then you can either walk away and do something else that you had to do or make something up to do. I also suggest having a girls night with friends/family so that you're not always in the house doing chores (running errands does not count), do something for you that makes you happy. Please just be happy. When he starts to see you happiness radiating, which he will, he's going to wonder what's changed in you and how did you take control back? Because when you're happy, you're in control. Please try this out.
Prayers to you and your family.