Collaborate without boundaries

Day 30 unity in our marriage...its more divided than ever

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Im so frustrated and upset rite now. My husband is being so horrible probably the worst he has been in months.  Things were looking up he was talking to me and we were actually texting throughout the day and the past three nites he let me sleep in the bed with him and now tonight he has flipped. Our bank account was overdrafted today and it was because the bags for his ileostomy came out of the account early and it was for double what it was supposed to be and I think this is an error however I cant address it until tomorrow when they are open well he would not listen to the explanation instead he told me to take back all of the kids Christmas presents and told me I cant sleep in the bed anymore and just was being so hateful. I flipped out I think its because I am so frustrated with trying with a person who will not return any appreciation at all. I am working 60 plus hours a week and taking care of the kids and him when he is not feeling well and its never enough. Its like no matter what I do I get negative from him. He would rather put all his attention into facebook still and his bike club friends and treat me like I am a piece of crap.  I blew up at him I started crying and told him that I am tired of his ungrateful attitude and that he needs to worry more about his family and me than his friends and women on fb. I told him that there is no one else in this world that would ever do that things that I do for him and love him like this and he said I dont care you are making me hate you and I am going to leave. I grabbed his phone and the car keys and this made him even more mad and he said he would walk where he was going. I told him that he is ungrateful and hateful and that he is destroying his family. I asked him why for the past 6 months has he treated me like this and what have I done so wrong to him and he said that I wont leave him alone and that my problem is I worry to much about what he is doing and who he is talking to and that I wont have to worry anymore because he will be gone. I asked him why he told me that he loved me when he was in the hospital if he really doesnt he wouldnt answer. I asked if he wanted a divorce and he wouldnt answer. He is laying in our room with his jacket and shoes on and said to me just leave me alone go to bed or something I dont want to see you or hear you and you never have to worry about me again since its all about what you do for me. This man only treats me like this. I know he is still talking to women on fb because yesterday he was showing me something on his phone and a mesasge came through from some woaman saying how are you doing baby. I did not say anything about it I just turned and looked away. The past week had been good we had lunch together we were talking eveything and now this.  He hates me and I'm so upset I cant even begin to think about what to pray to God.  I know I need God and I need to focus on him but it is so hard when your spouse is behaving like someone they are not he has has become a monster this is not the man I know and this is so hurtful.

 

  • Hey Mdarby.  Your husband is very angry and he is lashing out at you because you are the one that is there.  My husband is the same way.  Look up the work of an author named Lundy Bancroft.  Forever suggested it to me and he has done a lot of work with angry and controlling men.  Pray for God to give you a steady and peaceful

    Mind to make the right decisions for you and your family.  Prayers to you.

  • Prayers go to you, M..

    Handling an angry person is difficult. May God continue to emdure you..

    It seems to me that your hubs has a lot pof issues inside and he can no longer identify them that is why he is throwing tantrums and because as Candie said, youre the one who's there then you get to take the blow. May God fill your heart with Love so you can love him despite his attitude. Hurt people hurt people, break the cycle and give more love.

  • HOw he is behaving is not your fault whatsoever.  

    However, right away came to mind when I started reading your entry is that you are over doing the communication or possibly trying to push him to where you are, in wanting the marriage reconciled.  When things begin to go good, we often just want the spouse to make huge leaps and come back to us completely.

    It isn't fair that you are doing it all.  But continue, and don't push the texting, etc even if he is the one initiating it.  But do not ignore him when he texts.

    He's pretty much saying he still needs space so continue letting him have the space.

    He realizes  that things were getting more normal between you two and decided to put back up his wall.  To show that he didn't cave.

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