Today is day 35 of round 3 for me. I used to have a counslor that I was going to once a week but it seemed like she just kept telling me the same thing over and over every week, give him time, god will heal him, be strong in your decisons and think about what makes you happy, ignore his tantrums blah blah.
I stopped going because the scenarios kept playing out the same with my husband each week. I do still talk to my sister in law who is a marriage counselor at her church and she has been thru similar situation with her husband who is my husbands brother. I talked to her recently and she prayed with me for Gods will in my husbands life.
Today I am proud of myself because I can tell that I have come a long way. We are still down to one vehicle and my husband had to take me to work and then he would have had to go to his job at 2 today which would mean my mother would have had to take him to work so she could pick my son up then me. Well my husband decided this morning at 7 am that he would just walk to work today. Now before I would have argued with him and pleaded no please dont walk to work well today I said ok and drove to work. Of course a part of me wanted to tell him no dont do that blah blah. Well I did cave a little because I texted him from work and said that if he did not mind going in an hour early I could pick him up at lunch he said ok.
Tonight I had to work at the Ruby Tuesday down the street from our house which is the one that he had called about two weeks ago and asked if I could work there. We need for me to work there because we will need the extra money at the end of the month when he has surgery and will be out for 4 months. The managers here all know me as his wife and I met the director of the region tonight and he was talking to me about him so after I got off work I went down to his Ruby Tuesday about ten minutes away to see him. When I walked in I saw him in the bar sitting with some employees and he was sitting sideways in the bar chair with a young server standing between his legs and they had their hands intertiwned up against her chest. When she saw me she literally ran away. I have seen them like this one other time and confronted him about it and of course he got mad and denies anything going on. Well tonight he had the oh *** (excuse my language) look on his face and I did not say a word about her but i coiuld tell in his eyes he was waiting for it. Instead I just talked about my nite and the fact that his ex wife has offered to watch our kids for a few days when he has surgery. I left peacefully and went to the truck and prayed. The old me would have looked for this gril and remined her he is married and I would have said something to him as well.
I am proud that even though this was unsettling to see I went peacefully and chose to believe that there was nothing going on I tried to believe the good and not let my emotions take over. I am glad that I am closer to God and that I am able to rest in his comfort and peace because I know God will never hurt me. I wish that my husband would build a relationship with God. I am grateful that he did not get mad at me for coming dowm there and that he has been civil to me, but we are still sleeping in seperate rooms and I have a lot to pray about when it comes to him, I just pray we can make it thru this.
Other than Christ's strength in you there is no other way to explain how you can be calm when you run into a situation like that.
At some point, we have confronted our spouses enough, they know they are in the wrong, and showing kindness and being still does more good, by bringing conviction from Christ to them.
I do not think anyone who hasn't been in your shoes would understand why or how you were able to stay composed.
Tim said it so eloquently...and your testimony shines not only there but here as well to those of us on the same walk. Thank you for shining the light of our Lord upon us!
You have come such a long way. You have worked so hard to get where you are. The only thing you can control is yourself, and you are doing great!
Keep your eyes on the Cross! You are really showing growth.