Its already day 27 of round 2 and I just tried to complete my dare, I have been out all afternoon applying for jobs and I had an interview. My husband was home with our daughter and I got kind of mad when I walked in the door and he was on the phone, I could heat it was a woman and as soon as i walked up on him he said I gotta go bye. I didnt say anything I just walked away and started dinner. He came out into the kitchen and said that he did not want what I was cooking he was going to go get something. Usually this means that he is going to get something for himself. He came back about an hour and a half later with food for everyone, including me this time which he has not been doing recently. I was shocked. I just went into and he the room and he is watching football. I sat down on the bed and said there are a few things I want to talk to you about. He gave me the look that he gives when he doesnt want to talk, I started to talk to him about things that I am doing tomorrow and asked him when he wants to go get his lab work done for his up coming appointment and he gave me the look again, i was trying to ease into my dare, I asked him if he wanted to go get his labs tomorrow and he grabbed the paper from me and said I will worry about it. I tried to ease into the dare and he shut me down, he said look, I dont want to hear it. I know you think that all this talking will help but I dont want to hear it. I got up and walked out of the bedroom. I guess at this point all I can do is keep praying for Gods will in his life and for God to continue to work on him and me both and get us prepared for the rest of this journey. I hate that I cannot talk to him anymore, he shuts everything down, It doesnt even feel like we are married, it feels like we are roommates, he is in the room so that means he will keep me out tonight and I will have to sleep with our daughter. I hate how things are but I'm gonna try to stay stong....
look at how courageous you are with God's strength! You walked away from that phone call...I didn't do that without a couple barbs last week! You see failed dare but I see victory! It takes strength to do these dares despite all the rejection over and again. What a blessing though I know it doesn't feel like it. Don't you worry - God is convicting him daily! And you are growing in His walk, in His strength. I woke up today and said I am one day closer to His promises bestowed upon me, and did a dance of praise for that in the kitchen after tears of terribly missing my hubs and the sadness at how lost he is. Healing comes from tears. :)
You are allowed to sleep in your room. If he doesn't want to be near you he can go to another room. It's your bed too.
the talking about your plans and his lab work is you trying to show unity. I understand that. But keep in mind he wants space, space, and more space.....and less and less and less talking. So, even though you were easing into the dare, next time, maybe just show him the paper work and ask him if he wants your help to ask. And leave it at that. That way you showed kindness and offered and he isn't going to go straight to thinking you are trying to do everything for him and are crowding him.
It all goes back to a dare a day, no more, no less. This way we concentrate on doing a dare for Christ and leave them to God and their space.
And think of it this way, yes, you miss talking to your husband, but the lack of communication is at least for me, so much easier to take then the hardness of their responses.
In his way he is trying to show you everything is ok. He brought you food. Love believes the best. He is doing what he can for the marriage right now. But still, have no expectations of things getting better, or worse at the moment.
Take this wanting to be alone as God opening the door for you to focus on your walk in Christ. Your stand is a distraction for you, so take this time in this journey to focus on Christ, and your walk, your growth. Only do the dares, no mo no less. As you grow in Christ, focus on your walk, and leave your husband to Christ, it will allow Christ to work much more efficiently on your husband because you will not be in the way. Focus on you and Christ.
As your husband slowly sees you pulling away, and focusing somewhere else it will create panic. You see right now he has complete control and he knows it. But once you focus on Christ and become dependent on Christ for your comfort, your husband will feel a sense of loss, control loss, and then this is where things get worse before better. Because he will no longer be able to justify his foolish actions.