Collaborate without boundaries

Love lis Honorable R2

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9/13

Second round and it’s hitting harder than ever what an awful wife I was... for the longest time We didn’t have a tv in our room but my husband insisted , I remember mentioning that I didn’t want one because then it would be a distraction, still we got one.. and sure enough my selfishness and being self centered won . Always wanting to watch TV instead of talking to my husband ... I was more into it then him. 

Tonight, I got home and was looking for my scale and saw my husband  clothes that he used to wear while he was fixing his house so that we can sell it and buy a bigger one.... God I feel awful, I want to just scream and beat myself up for it. I feel like I deserve all of this, maybe this is a punishment for being the person I was with him. I wish he would believe how truly sorry I am for being that person with him... 

i never honored my husband he was never holy to me... as I sit here crying I pray that God will allow me to fix this. 

I saw my husband last night we did go watch a movie, we had a good time, I’m so thankful for it. 

He asked me if I wanted him to pick me or meet there I said what ever he preferred  he said he would pick me up.... 

when we left the theater he asked me if I can give him what I had mentioned I had for him... 

ok so on Monday after my break down I was so hurt thinking he might not ever want to talk to me again. I had the coffee cup with his moms picture, my son had asked when i was going to give I to him. So I told my husband to come and pick up what I had for him.... (this was Monday ) 

i didn’t  want to lie so I said yes, I have it. So we got home and he parked in the back got off. I warmed up so water and showed him. He love it, it’s the last picture he took took with his mom before she passed... he mentioned “ if you would of done this things before I would of loved you even more” 

He then asked me why I wasn’t wearing my. Ring , which I was but I took it off when we walked in , I have a clip for it by the kitchen sink that he put together for me... I said “I was I just took it off.” He asked me why i still wear it ? I said “ because I’m still married” he said “Legal y” I answered “yes, and spirituality,emotional “ he just laughed and like always said jk.... 

he said ok I’m going to go I said ok... 

he got up  and we hugged... he hugged me tight and I tried not to over do it.... he kissed me, for the first time in a long time he kissed me... said ok bye I said bye again... but then he turned the light off and hugged me... said he didn’t want to hurt me but he found me very attractive, he said he didn’t feel anything for me, said he didn’t want me to think something else the next day... I told him he knew how I felt about him... 

sometimes I feel like he’s punishing me and I deserve it for being so cruel with him. What kind of person treats the person you marry and are supposed to love the way I did... 

When I saw him today I see this man who i showed how much I loved at the beginning and There’s many times when I try to go back to the last time I felt this love before this separation... and i feel like Im trying to excuse my self. For a very long time I was so wrong... 

 

i know God is with me, i know he will give me what he knows i need. I pray that he show me patience which I have been lately ... i pray that he takes this anxiety away , i don’t know why i feel so sad and keep thinking of all the good my husband is and how ungrateful, unloving was...

  • He's still testing your walk in Christ.  Asking where is your ring.  If you would have done this before.  

    You are seeing more so in round two how you needed and continue to need molding.  But, do not dwell on how you were.  Let God know you are sorry how you were, then rejoice in the new you that He is making in you.

    Be of good courage, knowing God will not neglect nor forsake you.

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