Collaborate without boundaries

How to do this

  • Comments 7

This has been the hardest journey I have ever been on. I havent really felt like quitting but once around day 20, then it amazingly got better. I thought we were on a fantastic path back to reconciliation. BUT for 2 nights he didnt stay at home. I was super uncomfortable with this but felt that he was being truthful. Then another situation popped up that involved social media. I immediatly went to him and asked that he fix it. He at first was very apologetic and was seemingly trying to fix it and cared about my emotions. all morning I bothered him instead of praying. I know what I am doing wrong, I dont let God control anything, I still expect my spouse to fix it and I depend on him too much. While he had moved back in I kept pushing how we were going to move forward and heal and I think that this was all too much and I have pushed him away again. Last night he moved back to his parents home. I feel better about this, this time. but it still hurts none the less. I keep trying to think of ways to get him back home, and that is totally wrong. I do spend my entire day praying but I dont know that I am listening. I get the messages he sends but I dont listen. I am leading my heart. I know that he loves me and he wants this to work but now he says that he just needs space and to think, but it seems he drowns himself in work and then doesnt end up thinking about anything. Hes been away from us for months but yet he still says he needs space. He says right now I am trying too hard and its too much pressure on him. 

I really in my heart want us to reunite and I want him to be lead to a life of Glory and I pray for his spirit daily. I know that this is a journey with me and Christ and he is molding me, but gosh it sure hurts this molding. 

I know when my spouse came home and showed true conviction that I should have been happy but I tried to push him to recovery (therapy, talking, letters etc.) I was thinking only of my own hurt and how to get past it. I wasnt thinking of his hurt and just to be happy. I had too many expectations. How do I stop this? How do I give it to God and let go? I try but I steal it back. 

Today is the sacrifice day, I have no idea what to do, I have some ideas but really I want to give him space and listen to his needs. but I dont feel like that is a sacrifice to me, I am not giving up anything. 

  • It is realy great to see that you see your problems so clearly, God has allowed you to have a glimpse of yourself from another point of view, now that you have seen it let it go, God doesn't want you to beat yourself up, he wants you to rely on his grace and mercy, knowing that you are forgiven and wants you to move forward. Be still, God is going to handle his part better if you don't try to help him.

    Giving up is the wrong thing to say in this particular situation, lay it down, he moved in with his parents, lay this down and wait on the Lord. Be still be thankful, take joy.

  • So, around  day 20, what made it better?  If it was because you were seeing the fantastic path to reconciliation?  If so, that good feeling will be short  lived, as you saw.  The real reason to feel better, and it will be long term, is in putting  God first above your husband this trial, and all problems. That's when you receive what you're really wanting.  The peace of God.  

    And as you see, he followed his heart and emotions.  He  saw things get better, or sensed you thought things were better, so he put his wall up again and stayed away two nights  to show you he's still in control, so he thinks, and that he's not softening.  He is also justifying his behavior by staying away.

  • Who's stronger, more able to fix this, has more wisdom, etc.  You or God?  If you keep trying to fix this your  way your going to get what  your getting.  Leave it in God's most cable hands.  Remind yourself, you are not God.  Read scumeras journals.  Seans journals.  

    He does need space. And it is God working in him in this space.  Your looking for your husband to also fix this.  Again, who's the better of the two, God or your husband.  

    Let  go, let God.  Cease and desist.  Be still and know He is God.  When you get  out of the way and just do a dare a day, you leave the door more fully open for  God to work.

  • YOu can choose to follow your  flesh and push him away or follow God and let Him  draw your husband to Him, and you.  

    You're not doing such a hot job, nor are any of us. so, choose to let God unfold all of this in His  time, not your timeframe.  His timing is perfect.  Your timing is selfish and impatient.  

  • Take time to thank  God that he's spending his time working and at his parents.  

    When you're praying for his spirit daily, is it  truly for the good for him?  Or is there a big part that you want him to change for the better so that he changes and comes back to  you so your hurts go away.  

    If there is selfishness in your prayer, and we've all done that, for now, it may be best to simply pray that God's will is done in his life. that will cover everything.

  • I love all your comments, they help so much, thank you all. I come here and just read comments after comments on everyones journals.

    I am a control freak. I try to control everyone and everything, and when I dont I am miserable. I see this and I know that God is showing me to trust him.

    My prayers, I try to meditate on them and really focus on making them selfless. I feel my prayers are getting better and my overall relationship with God is really deepening. When I am hurting I try to think about Jesus giving me a hug and I focus on that for awhile.

    I am still at a point where I want God to fix my marriage and things get better, I am not at a place of peace to accept whatever happens. Its better....... I am getting there, just not yet.

  • Just want God way more than the marriage.  Just put God way above the marriage.  Just want your husband more than the marriage.  Just trust God's divine providence for your  life more than the desire for your marriage to reconcile.  

    We all have our flesh having us think the same as you are. but, as you continue in the journey, your endurance in Christ will increase and you will trust God ever more so to have control vs you having control.

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