In a week I've gone from feeling good about things and initiating conversation to apathy about the whole situation. My car broke down Sat. which may not seem a big thing but I have never had to have it towed 10 years 120,000 miles. I took one step at a time and got it set up. Called my wife for backup and reached her father who wanted to wake her up(Sat morning) told him not to and soldiered on.
Got the car to the shop and she called, told her the situation and that I would walk or take a cab (rural area) and she said ok (no offer to pick up 15-20 mins away by car). Anyway waited an hour for the cab and took another, 4 hours later to pick the car up. She never asked how things went until I mentioned how I felt to her Father on late Sunday. She came over later Sunday to pick up the dog (overnight) and asked for the spare tv to take with her (she originally said she did not want it when I bought it for her to take). As I am hooking the dog up my youngest (9) says to the dog lets get out of this terrible place, she laughs for a moment then admonishes him about it. He apologizes later before prayers (by phone each night) and I let him know that it is probably how he really feels
Background:I have always felt that if someone needed help thats what family is for, I have left out in the dead of night to help (mainly her family) and can remember going to her job with a new battery wearing a suit and changing it (the battery her car was dead) for her before we were married.
Anyway pity party for me. This is probably my fault anyway I haven't been consistant in reading and prayers over the last 10 days so guess what, opening for the devil. Yes I know that I am making the change for me regardless of hers or anyone elses influences and yes I need to stand on GOD but at times if you do not do what your supposed to do consistently the devil can come in and work on the negatives.
Just wanted to share this because marriedguys recent change and augustus' and tryingonemoretime reminded me of where I need to be, not to mention Stephens (always) sage advice
You are all in my thoughts
PS. Please pray for me, the minute I was done with writing 09/08 06:11 the youngest dog 5 months doodied in the living room,AFTER BEING LET OUT TWICE THIS MORNING. I swear if GOD ever gives me direct physical power over the devil I will lock him up for 100,000 thousand more years with Angels singing and praising GOD around him everyday.
Louis-we all have "one of those days" like I had one similar to yours last weekend. I was 20 miles away in the oilfield, got my PERSONAL vehicle struck by a heavy hauler truck, then after working 12 hours got a flat on the same vehicle later in the same day. I was able to just laugh about it as my wife was blowing up my phone wanting to know when I would be home in order for her to go out with her boyfriend. Now THAT has to be God. As Stephen always says, be still and know that I am God!!
Stay strong and in the power of his might!
Sometimes when we slack off, He will open our eyes in the best ways for us to notice. The good news is you are listening.
However there is a comment you made, that I feel I must point somthing out. "Yes I know that I am making the change for me"- Yes you are. And remember you are married and in Gods eyes, ONE.
Everything you do is effecting her, and anything you do about her is effecting you. Remember in all you do, you are one. So, there is no more "me", it is both of you.
Amen Sean, I am taking those words to heart myself...
I have been going back over your posts and the pain you have endured hurts from here. Your strenght and understanding and will towards the lord however is what i found most amazing. You get hit with hurdle and devil trigger one right after the other and instead of throwing your hands in the air in despair you are so calm and focused on the lords path your like a duck (cinderella I believe gets credit for this analogy) all the bad stuff is like water on a ducks back it never sticks
You have been here for a while doing a great job and focusing this on improving your self and that is the first lesson and not an easy one to learn. But you never falter.
You should be proud of the accomplishment you have made in stirdes to following the lords lite. Hold onto that when times feel harder then others.
I will as always countinue to pray with and for you u have been an inspiring follower for me one I will look forward to gain wisdom and strength from as I countinue in my own journey.
Yeah, that was probably the last little bit I needed. Been drifting into, "well I am doing this for me and if she doesn't want to move forward I will go on without her". I even know what she is thinking while waiting to see if my change is permanent. She wants me to initiate everything so that she does not have to open up or let me think that she is interested. It is just trying at times and easier to focus on me and GOD without thinking about her and my marriage. Jeremy you may be suprised, I could forgive infidelity (although she says she would never be able to) so I understand "a little" about your attitude currently, but I don't know if I would have your current strength.