Collaborate without boundaries

Day 7 - Two Lists

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Husband is still on his work trip so today I made 2 lists and hid them in my drawer at work. I text him 1 positive thing and he read it right away but didn't respond. Yesterday I also sent him an email telling him I loved him and asking him again to give me another chance. Again no response.

I am surprised Day 7 is here and I am not concerned as much as I was previously about his lack of response. Though I wish he would respond I am not letting it get to me like it was. God is giving me peace and I can feel that getting stronger every day. I have realized it really doesn't matter how our spouses respond to us, but just that they know they are loved.

My parents are here and I went out with my mother last night for drinks. We talked a lot about my husband and she tried to get me to see his side of things and maybe explain some of his abandonment behavior. A lot of what she said made sense and I also realized that before I wasn't really worried about what he was going through with work, family, etc. only how his actions were affecting me. I didn't care that he was struggling at work or felt burnt out, only that he was still there for me and everything else didn't really matter. And the fact he was burnt out and felt like he couldn't come home and talk about it with me didn't matter, just that he was there to make ME feel good and important. Very selfish of me, indeed.

My mother also reminded me that it is ok to get upset with your spouse, none of us are perfect. The important part is how we deal with it and make sure we keep love between us as we work through it. So far I haven't dealt with it maturely or with him in mind at all, only how I was affected negatively by his behavior why he wasn't immediately fixing it. I guess I kind of understand why he has been leaving the house lately...

Self reflection on Day 7, indeed.

 

 

  • I think it is wonderful you have your mother to confide in and get wise counsel from.  It is good to get the perspective from someone else who knows you both and can advise you with love and fairness.  

  • You really need to cut out the extra texting and emailing and leave it to just a dare a day, no more.  He needs the space and you if youre like most of us crave the contact with the spouse.  But you need to turn your desire for contact with him to more contact with Christ through prayer, church, bible, fellowhip, etc.  

    It is good as Linda said, that you have your mom who isn't doing what the world says, but is actually looking at it from your husbands point of view instead of just saying things to make you feel good or telling you it is ok to quit standing for the marriage.

  • And it is good you are finding more peace in Christ and also seeing the selfishness you had in the marriage.

  • Also, next time in a dare like this, try telling him the positive thing in person, then in a phone call, lastly via text.

  • Point taken, Tim. From now on I will 1) stick to only the dares and 2) try to reach him by phone if I can't see him in person. I guess I've been too chicken to call him, never thought that would happen with my  spouse but then again I never thought any of this would, either. 😔

  • Thank you, Linda. I am blessed to have such a great mom that loves him just like a son, even through all of this.

  • 1)  This will give him the space he needs.  And will give you more time to focus on Christ.  And this will help you put Christ way above your husband.  2) This is showing you are doing this for Christ first.  And will open the door more fully for Christ to work in him.

  • Yes it can get scary.  But the more we do this for Christ vs winning our spouse back the more we grow in Him.

  • I totally understand your statement about never thinking you would be where you are with your spouse.  One of the hardest things for me to grasp, even still, is how the man I was so comfortable with and felt so safe with, suddenly became like a stranger to me.  It was like I didn't even know how to act anymore while I was living in the house with him still.  I hated that feeling.  I handled it very badly, though, so I can't really give any positive feedback, except to say don't try to force him to say or do anything to make you feel better or to make things feel like they used to.  I did and I really didn't like the outcome.  lol   I forced situations to get him to talk to me and some of the things he said still sting today and would probably have been better for me not to know some of this thoughts at that time.  Like Tim said, just do the dare for the day and trust God with the rest.  

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