Collaborate without boundaries

When I am weak...

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I'm still here!  Been traveling again and taking care of things upon returning home.  I check in from time to time and read your posts so I can know how to pray, even if I don't post much anymore.

I realize more and more that this life and the things that happen are really a battle.  No matter how many times I give something to the LORD, I find myself waking up every day having to give it to Him anew.  For so long I beat myself up about this, but have come to see it more as my weakness and God demonstrating His power and strength through it.   The very fact that I have to keep running back to God to give Him what I gave Him yesterday shows me how much I truly need Him.  Isn't this actually where He wants us?  Totally dependent on Him?  Never a time have I gone back to Him to return what I'd given Him the day before has He ever once made me feel like a failure or a disappointment.  Instead what I come away with is this incredible feeling of being loved and being wrapped up in the blanket of His peace.  I do know the day will come when I will wake up and realize I didn't go back and take what I'd given Him the day before; I will have left it with Him for good.

I also had the realization that He is still weeding out the evil in my own heart, because way back when, I asked Him to search my heart.  I was working on my taxes and was encouraged that I'd get a refund, but at the end of the grueling ordeal (haha) I owe the IRS.  I immediately started to cry and whine to God asking Him how was this even possible if He has promised to provide and care for me?  I asked Him how is this showing me that He's taking care of me?  Then I became angry because my thoughts turned to my husband fuming that he probably is receiving a refund, on top of the already amount of wealth he kept from me in the divorce, not to mention my house which was the house I dreamed of owning all my once in a lifetime house that I joked I would be carried out of upon my death as I planned to live there the rest of my life.

I stood in the middle of my living room and just sobbed when I'd become weary of my own complaining.  Gently and quietly, the Holy Spirit reminded me of my prayer for Him to search my heart, so I stopped crying and asked Him what He was trying to show me in this.  Greed.  Love of money.  He revealed to me that I get the angriest about my husband when I think of the finances he sent me away with as opposed to what he kept from me.  I get angry when I think how he can travel and pretty much do anything he desires, when I have to budget and be careful of my spending.  The Holy Spirit showed me how I yearn and lament for things I do not have or that I have lost rather than being grateful for the things I do have; how I am so consumed with what my husband has, that I am forgetting to live the life God has given to me.  He reminded me of Paul's words in Philippians 4:11: "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

For the past couple of days I've repeated to myself over and over when the enemy fills my head with thoughts of my husband and his bank account, "I am learning to be content whatever the circumstances."  Life is a battle...each victory leads into yet another battle.  When I am weak, He is strong.



  • Finances.....

    when are bank accounts are loaded with wealth, sometimes our desires are more worldly than they should be.  When our bank accounts are on the slimmer side, we seem to focus on what really counts, God.  

    In this, God will do goodness for you since you love Him.  And the peace of God that you have will be more restful than the fanciest vacation your husband can afford.

  • I had to put myself in check also because of my pride. I told myself the other day that I have to stop whining about everything. This isn't about me. It's about glorifying God. If I can continue to live the way God wants me to through this ordeal it will be a great testimony to Him. It's all about Him, not me. Not you. It seems you came to that conclusion also, which is good. All the money in the world will never make a person happy. That bank account can't go to heaven. You've went through the hardest part. Our friend Determined is going through it now and I will be soon. Let's give glory to God because He is with us and loves us and wants us to continue for His sake.

  • Amen, Tim and Eddie!  Amen.

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