I knew that sooner or later I would hear or see something that would test my faith and today it happened. Went to lunch with neighbor who lives next door to my husband. She had told me before that a strange car had been parked in the garage while husband parks his outside in driveway. I kept pushing that from my mind. Today she told me that she was in her backyard and happened to peer through a crack in the fence and saw my husband and a woman sitting outside by the pool on the far end away from her fence. The description she gave could match my husband's daughter in law, but it was a Saturday and this daughter in law had told me she didn't feel comfortable going to visit my husband without his son with her. The neighbor also told me there was no car in the driveway.
I had just dreamed early this morning about my husband being with someone in a movie theater and for some reason I was there as well with his sons and daughter in law. One of the boys said, "You've got to be kidding me." (all this in dream) I said, "What?" and turned to look down row of seats and the woman was in his lap and they were kissing. I went and sat next to her and told her something then asked how long they had been seeing one another and she told me 9 months. The sons, daughter in law and I got up and walked out of theater together, them with their arms around me. Husband didn't seem to care they were leaving too.
I woke up and thought, 9 months would put them together in July of last year, when I was burying my brother. I got up and prayed and asked God to just take the thoughts out of my mind. I read my morning devotionals and prayed some more. Pushed the dream out of my mind.
It came back to me at lunch. I told the neighbor I suspected he was dating anyway so it wasn't really a surprise. Told her I trust God with the whole situation. She had only told me because I had said I still love my husband and was praying for reconciliation. She said she hurts for me and decided to tell me because she doesn't want me sitting around waiting for someone who isn't going to change. I explained that she was right, he can't change on his own...but that God can create circumstances that will cause my husband to see his sin for what it is and I am praying that when that happens, my husband makes all the right choices, and either way, I will wait and trust God. When I left, the thoughts tried to flood my head...the typical ones..."wonder if I know her?" "where'd he meet her?" "is she living there with him?" (if she is, he is hiding her from everyone) etc etc etc. Finally I said to myself, "STOP! Just stop!" Asking questions, wondering what's going on, even knowing for sure anything, will not change what God wants to do. I reminded myself that God promised to fight my battle for me if I will just be still. I spoke to the devil and told him I was standing for my marriage come what may and he could take his accusations, insinuations and lies back to hell where he belongs. I came home, did a portion of a Bible study I'm doing, then just stood in the hallway and praised God.
I feel the Holy Spirit impressing upon me to keep my focus on God. I kept telling myself, "God said look neither to the right or the left, but look to Him." "God said He would fight for me and that I need only be still." "God said He would make us one in His hand and I promised I'd stand on that word." "I told God I would trust Him no matter what." and on and on and on.
Tonight, in this moment right now, I'm at peace. I know, though, at some point, the battle will begin again, but God is faithful. If I have the mind of Christ, as the word says we do in Him, then He has given me the authority and the power to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I will not despair or become discouraged. I will trust God.
Nothing really to add. You did your own reply. LOL. And thank God in a tough moment in the trial you were able to handle this Christ like. You gained another level of endurance in Christ.
So sorry about your brother.
The battle of the Flesh and our Faith continues.... glad you chose Faith.