Several times since I've moved out I've had thoughts like: "How can he see my love if I never see him? How will he see change in me if we aren't together? How will he see how I've started to take care of my appearance and health if I no longer see him every day? Should I write and tell him I love him? Should I text him? Should I send him cards expressing my love? etc. etc. etc." But I never have peace about writing, texting or cards. Sometimes, the other questions cause a trickle of doubt and oft times a feeling of despair to try to engulf me. It has become almost a physical struggle to turn my focus back on the Lord. I have to speak out loud to my soul to praise Him and stop worrying or fretting over circumstances I have no control over. I recognize most of the thoughts come from the destroyer and I have purposed to not allow him to destroy anything else in my life, most especially my joy in the Lord and the peace He gives me. Some days I simply reflect on the questions in a rather disconnected way or in wonder of how anything good can come from what appears so hopeless. I force myself to get quiet before the Lord and listen. What seems to be the prevailing thought is if I text or send cards or write him letters...if I see him every day and he sees I have changed alot about how I looked in appearance (I had really, really let myself go)...If I am allowed to get my hands into the mix...whatever through my own efforts, when...and in FAITH I type WHEN, God restores our marriage, those on the outside of the relationship will think possibly it was something I said or did...BUT being set aside from the situation...not having access to ANY of it, except when I know that I know God has told me to do anything specific, WHEN the miracle happens, no one will be able to say it was from any effort of mine and God will get ALL the glory! It always amazes me how intimately God knows each one of us. He has something He wants to teach everyone one of us through this journey we are on and He knows just what is needed to get us to that place He desire for us. But through it all, God must always be glorified. I cannot, even by ignorance, steal any of His glory! To those who are close to us, this marriage is over as far as they can see...some even think I am delusional because I have decided to continue wearing my rings and choose to love my husband, period. I have had someone actually tell me, "Linda, God has someone better for you. Just hang in there." I smiled and said, "Yes, yes He does and when He is done with my husband and I, we will both be the better for it all."
Daily, God reminds me the battle is his. Night before last I was reading 1 Samuel and vs 2:9c leapt from the page: "It is not by strength that one prevails." It is good to know this on those days my strength seems sapped away with keeping my focus on God and not the circumstances.
Stay in the battle! Never give up!
Continuing to pray for you all!
How blessed you are in your response to God finding someone better for you! It couldn't be more true because neither of you are the same people! My devotional today was about His strength and power show themselves most effectively in our weakness. We are to thank him for the conditions which are requiring us to be still. I'm a broken record but remember...GOD IS THERE (WITH HIM). YOU DON'T NEED TO BE. Not to say never reach out or run into your spouse - stay in God's will for you in this. Prayers to you and you standing for your marriage. I think Princess or someone said something really cool...there is a difference between standing for your marriage and trying to get your spouse back.
Thank you Linda and PAR for your response. If my marriage is restored in can be by no action of mine but only through the Glory of God.
He must arrange the circumstances, he works on me for all the changes I have made. He works on her to interfere in relationships with other men, or to show her what she was walking away from.
The glory must be His, and he will deserve all the praise.
Linda in your weakness of the flesh you are strong in Christ. Right where strength counts. At the moment it is tough sometimes to do what God tells you to do, but when you listen, you receive the grace you need. And when you have exhausted that grace, you are ready for new graces.
You are a testimony to all those around you. If you are ever mocked because of your stand, cry a tear of joy and thank God.
your husband has free will. Pray Christ's will is done in him.
Even if the world sees a d has happened, God does not.