I blew it yesterday. Afterward, I realized there is still so much anger and pride in my heart. I am struggling with discouragement and this terrible sense of failure. Truth is I want all this junk out of my heart even more than I want my husband to love me again and my marriage restored. I am so tired of demonstrating behavior that is so selfish and contrary to how God wants me to be. I am so tired of shooting off my mouth when things don't go as I want them to. I don't blame my husband for wanting out of our marriage. I don't blame him for not loving me anymore. Until I can find a way to really submit myself to the Lord and allow Him to create in me a clean heart, I am no good for anyone. I don't know how to love, but I sure know how to manipulate, criticize and adopt this self-righteous, holier than thou attitude. I want to love. I really want to love.
I am praying for all the marriages represented here, though. I wrote it on a sticky note and put it on my prayer closet wall so I would remember.
Thanks for the prayers. Keep doing the dares until they stick. LIke biting your tongue.
don't be hard on yourself. The desires of your heart are Christ. With that, God will cover your mistakes, but you have to continue to keep Him first and try your best to be molded in His image and His example in how to love.
You will make progress when you submit yourself to God enough to realize that no amount of effort will help you be better, much less righteous. That only comes when you completely give up on doing it yourself and seek His will. Seeking His will involves dedicated reading of His Word and prayer time. You know you are on the right track when you aren't frustrated with your lack of strength but rejoicing in your total weakness. This is a difficult but worthwhile journey!
It is a process. As long as you are seeking God, He will continue to show His glory to you. Thank you for the Prayers and prayers to you.