98ish
I watch some that I am infinitely close to on this board blaze ahead of me in dares completed despite the fact that I have been on the path for approximately the same amount of days. My car lags behind perhaps in other’s eyes, perhaps I run low on fuel (indeed, jsond)…but, a different perspective is brought to my attention. Hold me accountable if I am grabbing control and saying it is He. I am all for that.
After 97, I was spent…heart and soul… as many who are close can attest to. The 12 hour turnarounds with my husband, the deterioration of health physically and mentally in both parents, and the intense need of my daughters that I SEE of late, keeps me pulled and pulled in various directions. I retreat from the dares out of exhaustion. I climbed out of severe, mind-numbing depression three years ago, and since then, I have ALLOWED myself to SEE and HEAR Him track me, call me, whether I wanted to truly admit it to myself or not. And, in reflection, I can see how he has tracked me since I was a very young child. I pushed passed Him, I shoved Him down (yeah, that is possible in my feeble mind) BECAUSE I thought I was nuts. I could see things in others…I was super sensitive to people’s pain….which is not the best thing when you do not trust Him. The burying of what He had shown me then…and I continually denied, brought me to utter and desperate despair. When I let go of many blockages, much, much, much info and knowledge and understanding was unleashed…like a severely clogged up drain that just got a year’s worth of Drain-o. I know the He does not give us more than we can handle, but I am floooooooded with revelations sometimes…and I GOTTA step back…and, as I weirdly say, chew on it.
So, 98 came, after the DENTING of my armor with dare 97, and despite staying steadfast in my husband’s presence, when the reality pummeled me at home alone, it did lay me low spiritually and emotionally. The day of dare 98, I could not offer my husband a meal…yeah, I took control. His presence made me want to vomit…despite my (His) ability to be kind and friendly in the exchange of our daughters. So, I jumped that dare (Evil Kaneaval ?sp comes to mind here). Perhaps I failed that dare, idk. I will do the dare…but have I made it in my time or His time???
Control.......that you recognized you took control of the dare, you also took control in other areas of your life....
What really got in the way? What part of you got in the way?
I hurt...and I have my fill at times. I funnel it. I don't let it all in at once because .... because...just BECAUSE!!!! I am gonna beat you with a noodle, bro,
First off, want to remind you that He chose YOU this journey (someone had to remind me of that again too). Remember how such an HONOR that is Sparkle! He knew the strength you would/could possess through Him. He knew the light and love that you would ultimately shine through Him. He knew the TESTIMONY you would be to your husband, parents, girls, and dear friends around you…even strangers!
You know we are to lead our heart. That means lead your heart to and through the dares even when exhausted. I told God this morning, “I am tired.” Physically and emotionally I am tired (I am not even going through nearly as much as you are, so even from that perspective I have not an iota of space to say that). He reminded me that He knows! He knows how we feel because He has felt every one of our emotions. He worked long tireless hours as a carpenter. He dealt with more emotional trying things than I think we could ever wrap our heads around…test after test after test. Well, that put me in my place. ;)
I believe you answered your own question – “Yeah I took control” so…was it “could” not offer him a meal or you “would” not?
Smack..smack…smack = refinement…refinement…refinement ;) Sounds familiar huh?
Snap, snap, snap. Talk to the hand! LOLOLOL TY, Gem and jsond.
Out of everything in your life. Why do you take a step back from the dare yet continue with all the other stuff?
Take a step back from the other things and allow Christ to comfort you. When your emotions are getting to you it is Christ showing you something. He wants you dependent on Him. For comfort, understanding and of course love.
You must seek... Christ is in the molding phe of your journey.
You are broken after yesterday, understandably so. But this is exactly where God needs you to be. Now you are broken and have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. Allow Christ to have all the pieces to put Libby back together. You are the constant, because of your journey in Christ. Your husband sees this and as such he will vent all his anger on you, because you seem so in control, and he is not in control, but we all know, God controls you now, not you. That is why you can be so calm, when he expected you to be just as poisonous as him. Just don't loose focus. Seek Christ's comfort in your life. Cry in His lap and vent if you must about how you feel. He knows all about it, we all have denied Him, yet He is our Constant and we can always go back to Him. When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.