#35
I was asked by my pastor to make an appt to meet with him on Thursday. I took care of this. I then immediately got a call from my attorney’s office wanting my payment…they have never called me ever before…never. They don’t tell me a thing except send me letters on what they have sent to his lawyer, etc. I have taken this up with them more than once. There is no advisement. I told them I understand they do this every day, but this is MY LIFE!! I want to drop this so badly.
I briefly told my mom what was going on…briefly told her that wonderful things have occurred. I am hesitant telling her anything though, because although she has stuck with my dad through thick and thin, she can be negative and very deflating to me. She just kept saying, “Things never work out the way you expect them to when God is involved.” She understands that I do not want this divorce…that I want to salvage what I have had a huge hand in majorly screwing up. I told her how wonderful church has been, and she had alluded to the fact that she and dad were returning to church, “But she wouldn’t be lured into having to volunteer for everything again” giving me the “You are so naïve” look. Ugh. Staying at my parents’ home is always SO challenging for me in every way. Holding my tongue is so very difficult. She talks about how petty the church is, how she already knows the Bible backwards and forwards, how she is so much more knowledgeable, (rolling her eyes when I tell her something I have learned in church), and how she lives the Word every day, yet she drains me of hope every time I speak with her. I constantly have to step away and pray just to think straight. I feel like I’m the target on a firing range in this home. Why? I pray about this relationship because I know how my defenses just fire up when I am in my mom’s presence. She has stayed with my dad despite everything…and she takes care of him…but she is mean to him, nags him, puts him down in front of people (which I called her on and paid for with a huge heap of the silent treatment) and refers to him as her “cross to bear” and behaves like a martyr. It frustrates me and I KNOW I am being judgmental. I constantly ask myself if I could have done a tenth of what she has and survived it. I will keep praying for clarity here.
I realized being at my parents’ would challenge my hopes, my faith, and what I have SEEN God do…but realizing it and enduring it are very different things.
I applied for two jobs today. Blessings.
Well here is something you probably did not realize. Part of your journey may be being a testimony to your mother. Your family.
She thinks she lives in the word everyday, but as you can see her selfishness comes out all the time. Living in the word means being one with your spouse. And she would never talk about herself or treat herself the way you have described she deals with your father.
However, you need to love her as Christ intended. This is your testimony to her. And she will see it and I am sure Christ will convict her through it.
Dont let her bring you down. Consider her another challenge Christ has brought to you. Thats right Christ chose you to be the testimony to these people, your husband, your mother, your father....
Depend on Christ to mold you, depend on Him for your comfort and understanding. And when your mother or your husband gets you to that point always remember these words....
BE STILL.... FOR I AM GOD!