I just signed in for the first time. I'm on day 27 and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My wife says she doesnt love me anymore. She really doesn't talk to me, she for the most part doesn't look at me, she gets angry with me when Im nice to her and she does everything without me lately. We are still in the house together which I think is a good thing. For a while I was trying to hard and now I have backed off and I'm really trying to leave it in Gods hands but it is hard. I'm doing the dare to the T but she is not receptive to any of the days yet. Things seem to be getting worse and there is no change yet. She will say she wants me out but does'nt stick to it. I don't know if I'm smoothering her and I need to give her more space. I try to avoid her around the house to give her more space. I run a business out of our house and and I was thinking of moving it to a office building to give her more space. You see she is a stay at home mom so we are together all day and night. This may give her more space and maybe aviod being kicked out of the house all together. I pray to God for me and her and us as well as read the bible everyday. I get angry at times because of the situation. I need advice on what to do on all of this. Can someone help me.
Doing the dares are more about growth in your relationship with Christ rather than 'fixing" a marriage. Your spouse will not trust the changes she sees and I too went through a period where you were during the dares where I started to "poke" and ask too many questions about how she was feeling about what she was seeing.
Give her space. Get YOURSELF prepared spiritually for a reconciliation if and when it happens. If you don't all the lessons learned during the dare will literally go out the window, and we will go back to our own patterns of behavior since we have not made them character changes with Christ as the mold.
My advice? Just get alone with Christ. If that involves you getting out of the house more by getting an office outside the home, do it. Continue with the dares, but don't poke or prod about her feelings. Let the Lord work in your situation
Look and read through the journal entries here, and see where others (including myself) have gone wrong, and don't make the same mistakes. Stay the course of YOUR journey, and that way whatever happens, your heart is ready and mind/spirit are fixed on the Lord.
Jeremy has great words... Take the time to spend with Christ, remember love Christ first to love her better.
Do you dares and nothing else. No more and no less. One thing you should have learned by now is when you are rejected you will be humble, patient, kind...
There are some famous words on this site... BE STILL... FOR I AM GOD. Get this in your head. When your mind starts taking over for you get to Christ to take control. Leave her to Him. He knows what to do. but needs you to be where He needs you to be for it to be effective.
Thank you guys. This is all great encouragement and will help me move through this journey with Christ. Each and every day I undersatnd were I need to be.
"I don't love you" or "I'm not in love with you" anymore, are common phrases designed to put us in an inferior position and to back us out, not just off. Sometimes this is the signal that we need to realize that our love is unconditional, or more, that it must be.
Her hardened heart may be a mystery to you as it was for me when heard these heart-wrenching words myself. At a minimum, she is confused. If she's a Christian and struggling with you, no doubt she is also resisting the Lord's control of her life. If these are true, you have a great, even golden, opportunity to find your own relationship with Christ to be something that may be threatening to her, but also strangely attractive...that is, if you are consistent in you walk and keeping margin for her to respond, but not feel controlled by you.
A word of caution: be careful about changing up your homefront and distancing her by moving out in any way. This could become a very dangerous step that could lead to others that would/could defy reconciliation. God is first interested in your reconciliation with Him and restoring His design for your life. I'm suggesting you avoid dong things that can be interpreted, or in fact are, manipulative. AND, don't give the devil any real estate in this. By that I mean, I Cor 7 is very clear about not leaving or sending away your spouse. Margin, a concept well developed here, is needed in ways that you can be present, just not smothering as you said. As long as she has that tempting rope out there for her to tug on you with, she'll somehow be enabled to continue the "game."
I have shared this article with many guys here and elsewhere, as it has been so enlightening and informative to me, especially in hearing those words. www.familyministries.com/Reconciling_husbands.htm
Stephen I cannot thank you enough for the link to "Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife" it truly is like someone wrote the story about my wonderful wife and I. I'm taking this journey with the lord and am struggling each day in keeping total trust in Christ but each day gets better. She truly is a wonderful women who is selfless by always putting others before herself. She gave 100% to this marriage for 16 years and I was to blind to see it. She desreves the best and I pray that I can be the best for her as God teaches me to love unconditionally. I pray that Gods plan for me includes my wife and I to be bonded together for the rest of our lives. I feel like I have this new found love for her that I never had, a stronger love that I nver had when we even got married.