When I read today's dare, I knew this one wasn't going to happen.  I prayed for guidance on how I should approach it, but since he filed for divorce, I knew this was probably the furthest thing from his mind.  Especially since this is the main reason he filed for divorce...I haven't been the submissive wife I should have been.  Ever.  I was always so exhausted after getting home from a 10-12 hour non-stop work day.  I felt like he wanted to spend more time with his friends, so why should I want to be with him.  I was afraid of the girls walking in on us.  The excuses go on an on.  And that's all they were.  Excuses.  As a former boss once told me, excuses are only beneficial to the person making them.  And that was exactly what was going on.  They didn't benefit him at all, and I wasn't doing what God had intended for me to do as a wife.

While at the neighbor's house last night, I had a very Un-Christian moment.  The man that went around town telling our business was there and I confronted him about it.  I should have kept my mouth shut and it shouldn't have happened the way it did, but my emotions got the best of me.  As soon as we had our confrontation, he went inside and immediately either called or text "A" because within a few minutes I received a nasty text from him asking what I was thinking.  This conversation went on for quite some time and a lot of other angry and bitter things were said by the both of us.  After about an hour and a half of going back and forth griping at each other, he finally text me that he loves me, he always will and that he's sorry that he couldn't make it work.  I just told him that I was sorry too and that I pray that we both will be able to find peace with each other through all of this.  I told him that I miss my best friend and that I feel like a part of me is missing.  He said he understood and that although he may not have acted like it, he considered me to be his best friend, too.  This made me feel somewhat better but still know that the days ahead are going to be extremely rough if I continue to control my life instead of letting Him control it.

He came to my house this morning to be with our girls so that I could go to work.  When he got there, he just kinda shrugged at me and walked into the living room.  I went in there to get my shoes and felt the urge to ask him for a hug.  He said yes so I bent down to the chair where he was sitting and hugged him.  It felt so good for him to hug me back tightly.  I'll spare you the details of the rest of it, but God definitely had His hand in this dare.  Before I left, I hugged him again and told him I love him and he said he loves me, too.

There's still 59 days left before our divorce is final...I pray that He continues to work on both of us so that we may grow closer to Him and through that, hopefuly our marriage will be restored to the way He wants it to be.