So sorry for all of the entries today. I'm playing catch up from a busy weekend.
To not lash out at him is a difficult thing, because that's what I've always done in the past. He didn't bother coming to church this morning but I didn't say anything to him about it. Me harping on him isn't going to do any good. Our oldest daughter was complaining that her ears were bothering her, so I took our youngest daughter to his house so I could take the other to have her ears looked at. While we were sitting in the doctors office, I sent him a text that told him I love him and regardless of the outcome of our relationship, I will always live him. He responded back that he loves me, too.
After our softball game, I received a text from a friend saying she had heard we are separated and he walked up to my car as I was reading it. I read the text aloud to him and he thought the person was telling me that she had seen him out the previous night and he told me he had gone to a rodeo with his friends...instead of keeping his daughters at his house, he chose to be with his friends. I was crushed. Not only that he didn't want his girls with him, but that he was going out, having a good time and doesn't seem to have a care in the world for what we are going through right now. I didn't say anything to him, though. I just told him I didn't want to talk about it at that moment. You have NO idea how huge a thing that is for me!!! I think I'm finally beginning to let go of some of my control & letting God take over.
Did he ask what the text said? Did you take control by not talking about it when he wanted to? It seems to me like your husband mightve wanted to explain or get into the conversation and you might have cut him off?
We take control from Him in many ways.
You're right. I did cut him off. My girls were in the car & I didn't want to argue with him in front of them. I should have gotten out of the car & discussed it with him.
I know for me, walking away from a tough discussion/situation is DIFFICULT (it is against my nature), but the ability to do so is letting HIM have control. HE makes it easier to take time and think it over, formulate my conversation so that it isn't a battle. And most times HE also allows me to see that the initial sting/hurt/betrayal I felt was just a knee-jerk reaction and the reality of the situation. Good for you for letting HIM lead you to a better place than where you have gone in the past.