Oh, the excitement I felt when I read this dare!!! I knew this one was going to be easy and immediately started praying for him. I prayed all day long for the things that I want for him. I prayed for a softened heart, I prayed that he wouldn't feel the need to lie and would be honest, I prayed for his walk with God and that he would be reconnected with Him. I prayed for the intimacy in our marriage to return and for our marriage to be returned to the state that it should have been in a long time ago. It felt good to pray about all of those things for him, as well as us. I had this one in the bag!!
And then I realized that maybe I didn't. I was praying, but I wasn't focusing on the things that Christ was directing me toward. I was praying for the things that I wanted to be taken care of without thought to what He was guiding me to pray for. I don't know if it's His way of slowing me down to remind me that I'm not in control anymore or what, but things began to unravel. I hadn't been on Facebook all day, I'm trying to stay off of it as much because it just leads to heartache for me. I saw where he had become friends with someone that was really hurtful for me. I sent him a text and asked him how he knew this person and he gave his response and then sent another text that said he was surprised that it took me so long to say something about it. It was if he was doing it on purpose just to hurt me. I was sick to my stomach and ready to throw in the towel. How can he continue to do things that are so hurtful when I am trying so hard?
I know my heart isn't where it should be right now and that's what I really need to be praying about.
Lane, I wish I could hug you. Today's dare isn't easy for me either, but I know it will come. It's hard not to immediately gravitate towards the selfish prayers and let them speak louder than HIM. Breathe deeply and let HIM in.. the prayers will come when he knows you are ready to hear them, understand them, and sincerely pray them.
Lane, I remember these feelings too. I remember being certain beyond doubt that she wasn't ever coming back again and I immediatly dropped to me knees and cried out to God to help my broken heart and he absolutly did. We have to constantly remember that we are modeling Christ's behavior to show unconditional Love, which is Love without anything in return. Keep praying and reading and remember that it's one day at a time. God is in control and there is absolutly nothing he can't do. Have faith that all things work to the good that love him.
You will find your spouse trying to push every button he can to get a rise out of you...to keep the "old" Lane present...it is when you do not react/react out of love that he will see the change...that your testimony will start shining and his conviction getting stronger and stronger. We've often been told that it gets harder before it gets easier, so it is vital you always lean on Him. The impossible is possible with Christ.
Going back to the way it was is not good enough when you have Christ.. The way it was lead to the way it is. When you have Christ in your marriage and build that oneness with your spouse there is a marriage that you never believed possible.
As for his Facebook. It is his way of control, getting you to react. Commit this to Christ. Because you may be making a deal out of it that is not worth it.
Never throw in the towel. You can not give up on your husband, just as Christ has never given up on you! How many times have we denied Christ or hurt Him by things we say or do? Forgive like Christ has forgiven you, and He forgives us all daily. Keep going! keep the focus on Christ! Hold on to Him when things don't go as you expected. let go of those expectations and allow Christ to fill your voids!