I've never looked at marriage from this perspective.  I don't think either one of us did, but this is about me and recognizing the change that I need to go through in order to be a better person, spouse or friend.  I'm independant  and as a person, I think having an independant streak is okay.  But I failed to balance my need for "independance" whatever that meant to me, and honoring that bond that I committed to and acting every day as one person.  What is good for me is good for him, what hurts him, hurts me.  To consider that my lashing out at him is the same as lashing out at myself really puts things into perspective.  Imagine every interaction you have with your spouse from the perspective of one, not two people.  It would change alot wouldn't it?  Someone I work with recently went through a divorce and we've kind of shared some of our experiences with each other.  He mentioned how mad his ex-wife is so I asked him what he did.  He cheated.  I felt myself feeling very sorry for her, not because her husband cheated on her but because she is still in the unforgiving/angry stage.  People need to forgive in order to heal.  And I'm not just talking about forgiving your spouse, forgive yourself.  Put your trust, faith and future into the hands of God and let the rest go.  It will free you.  And then you can begin to heal.   I have forgiven James and because of my faith in God, I've been able to let go of the anger once and for all.  I hope one day to forgive myself.  There is an internal struggle there.  But being committed to the Love Dare is helping me to be conscious of every interaction I have with James.  And he even told me the other day that every time he calls me I sound excited to hear from him!  How sad that I failed something as simple as that when we were married.