Collaborate without boundaries

The ticking bomb

  • Comments 3

Listening to today's dare makes me feel guilty which I have been feeling lately. I was everything I was not supposed to be when we were together and yes he failed to fullfil some of his husband duties or man respinsanbilities but I was a ticking bomb. 

My temper if I even have one is one of a mad person. The stress overpowers me and turns me in a monster. I know now that even though I was stress because of things he will do or not do as he should the way I react was not a helpful one either. I would be with myself. 

I am looking for professional help now and going to counseling. I cut some of my work hours too even though I need the income. 

I guess at least now I can fix my issues even though he is not here anymore.

Anyways he never answer me yesterday so that was another fail attempt. I am glad that today's dare was about me because is the end of the year and I am already very emotional for it (Is how I get every year) and I don't want to deal with his rejection too.

In fact I don't think I should contact him anymore. I dont think he loves me and I feel it should be hard for him with me bothering all the time. He probably didn't even read my messages. He has done that before. So most likely I am just wasting my time in that sense.

I know I shouldn't do this expecting anything but I can't deal with his rejection. I  dont know to handle this. I dont want to contact him anymore because it really hurts. Maybe I should just let him go.

  • Try to to the dares as best you can.  In person, Call, text, email, Facebook message...  Do not worry about a response.  The Dare has purpose to Mold you in Christ.  So try to do it the best you can.

    As for the temper thing, that was me.  I'm mild mannered easy going most of the time.  But my wife was let inside my protective walls.  So when she hurt me, she hurt my inner child.  Since this inner child of mine was so raw and old, I had no control over my reactions.  I acted out of the hurt and pain.  I felt disrespected, unloved, uncared for and I'd yell and scream.

    I thought this was resolved years ago in therapy.  But through recent therapy I realized even more and that the things that I thought I was over I never was.  It also didn't help that neither my wife nor I grew up with examples from our parents in how to deal with disagreements

    Counseling or Celebrate Recovery are great ideas you should pursue.  Good Luck,

  • Th guilt you feel.  Confess to Christ if you haven't already the things you have done wrong or failed to do that you should have done.  Then kknow you are forgiven and be in His peace about being forgiven.  If you hold onto the sins, that is you putting yourself above God's forgiveness.  Do not do that.

    yesterday's dare was a success if you attempted it the best you could. the success has nothing to do with his response or if you were able to reach him.   The success is you trusted Christ in attempting the dare and learning from the dare to love as Christ loves us.

  • About contacting him anymore.  I am hearing some self pity there.  But, yes, do not worry about contacting him, unless the dares call for it. This will give him the space he needs and leave you in Christ vs looking for reactions and comfort from your husband.

    Even if he doesn't love you.  How are you wasting your time?  By showing unconditional love?  So, is Christ wasting His time being there for you in all the times of your neglecting of Him in your life?  no, He wasn't.  So, do the same for your husband, and love him unconditionally like Christ does for you.  You entered a covenant with him and God to love unconditionally, not to love only when you feel loved back.  So, do not go down the path evil is excited you took a look at in thinking maybe you should let him go.  This path is you wanting to escape the hardship.

    Christ never promised things would be always easy, in fact He promised we would have crosses to bear.  But He also promised His love, His help, His peace and comfort.  Seek Christ when you feel regected.  He will comfort you so that you can be full of joy, His joy, in this trial.

    Look how much Christ showed love while we were rejecting Him in His crucifixion.  He showed perfet love in horrific rejection.  You do your best to do the same.

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