Collaborate without boundaries

feeling defeted

  • Comments 5

so im on day 31 , I took a few days to get away from the daily stress and reflect on myself. it was much needed. however now its Monday and I get a text from my wife that I haven't seen or had a real conversation with in almost 3 months, stating that she will no longer be playing on our pool team tonight or in the future. its amazing how I prayed this morning for god to show me a sign or something for her to reach out to me. again not like this. I feel like every time I might make 5 steeps forward I end up getting kicked back 10. my heart breaks every time I am working so hard at all of this. I have realized so much and become so humbled. I feel like I just want to give up. everyone deserves a chance to write there wrongs. I pray for direction and guidance. I pray that god will instill the love back in her heart.

  • Justin I sorry.  I am new to this site and I wish I had words of wisdom.  I will pray for you and your wife.  Please be strong and dont give up.  

  • "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

    Isaiah 55:8 (NIV)

    For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV) Jeremiah 29:11

    I love this scripture.  One day while I was meditating on it, I had an epiphany about how God's view of my life is so different simply because of His vantage point to be able to see everything from every angle.  I got clarity but I forgot to write it down so it escapes me at this time.  But the sense of realization is still with me and increases my trust in Him every day.  OH!  I know!  I got to thinking about God's thoughts and how He told me His are not the same as mine...same with our ways and I recalled past answers to prayers that were way out in left field from what I expected as the answer, but the answers were perfect, even though I didn't really understand at the time how perfect they were.  God's perception of our reality is so infinitely different from our perception of our own reality and I think when we can grasp even a portion of that, we can move from fretting and fearing how our futures will turn out, into total and complete trust that no matter what comes to us, no matter how brokenhearted we feel, no matter how shattered our dreams seem to be, the Creator of the universe, the God Who sent His Son to die for our sins, the I AM of the children of Israel loves us and is putting the pieces of our lives together into what will be a beautiful, breath taking work of art formed out of our heartache and brokenness if we simply trust He knows what He is doing.  Justin, I have days when it seems this dark cloud of despair that is almost like a physical suffocating thing wants to envelop me and for short moments, I simply want this life to be over and done with because I am so tired and weary of being fearful and scared and feeling unloved and as if I never existed to the man I love and who promised to love me too, until death...but then I remember I have a God, a heavenly Father Who loves me, unconditionally.  He said to me, "Linda, I loved you even when you were still lost in your sin and I promise you, nothing and no one will ever separate you from MY love!"  And the hope HE promised in Jeremiah bursts inside my heart and I know that there is something better for me coming!  I know that no matter what, the God Who loves me like that is faithful and never breaks His promises.  We have to learn to capture those despairing thoughts and bring them under Jesus Christ's authority.  We do that by losing ourselves in the Word of God.  Give your wife to God...if you have to tell him a million times a day, "God, I took her back, but here she is again...take her and do what you will with her and with me and with our marriage," keep giving her back to him, over and over and over and over again until you finally let Him work on her.  We can't change our loved ones.  We can't change our circumstances.  Only God can do that, but we have to get out of the way and let Him and trust Him to do it.  I feel  your pain, Justin.  I feel the pain of everyone on this site when I read the journals.  I cry for all of us at times, but I also pray and thank God for the answers that are coming for us!  Hang in there, Justin!  You never know when will be God's perfect timing for your answer!  Don't miss it by giving up!!  

  • Do your best to do a dare a day, not skipping days.  We often take breaks from doing the dares because they become hard or scary to do.  Or because we think our way is better.  

    We feel the steps backward, but we do not feel or see the forward steps Christ takes for us.  But faith, is knowing the unseen is happening.  That those forward steps are being taken.  As Linda pointed out, the steps may not be taking us in the direction we desire, but in a much better direction.

    Right now, just do a dare a day.  and then Be still, knowing He is God.  He will give you the rest you need.

  • Thank you Linda and Tim it's odd how things work after I step back and look at it she actually tried to start an argument with me but I realize it and did not give into it she wouldn't answer questions which she probably did not want to or did not know how to I believe that she has started to either see change  or get feelings back for me and it scares her and that she does not know how to deal with it it's easy for her to walk away at this point not wanting to face her feelings I continue to pray keep faith and keep doing the dares I didn't stop reading or doing the dares on my trip I continued to do them

  • Sorry, i misread and thought taking a few days to get away meant taking a few days off of doing the dares.  Glad you continued with the dares.

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