Collaborate without boundaries

I'm lost!

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I read today's dare, did today's dare. I pray to God every morning, asking him to bless her with what she needs, to bring light to her heart and life. Then tonight the doorbell rings and it's my sister-in-laws fiancé. He served me with my divorce papers. I'm not sure how to proceed with the dare. In the paperwork it says that she has asked my to stop trying to reconcile our marriage and sending flowers, that she feels if it does not stop she would need a restraining order. She has not once, told me any of these things. I was just wondering if anybody out there has any experience related advice, whether you are a devout follower of Christ or just been in the same place, please reach out to me if you do.

 

I am going to continue to pray and hope that God is just working with her heart. 

  • Justin C.,

    Brother, I'm going to agree with you in Christ's name that His will be done and that what He brought together shall not be torn asunder. I've never been quite there, but my wife has threatened to walk out on me a few times in the last few months.

    Be strong and FROG (Fully Rely On God)

  • Welcome.  Keep in mind we all come to this site to save our marriage but find out that this becomes a journey between you and Christ, not you and her, she will be used as a tool as you do the dares to mold you.

    Things often become worse before better.  But this serves purpose.  Do not read ahead in the dares, other than the appendix especially about leading the heart.

    Normally I would say do a dare a day, no more, no less.  And do not manipulate the dares to make them easier.

    Seek the answer in payer on what to do about some of the dares since she has it in writing in the papers about not doing certain things.  

    But make sure you do no more than the dare for the day requires.  Not sure where you are in the dares, but I am guessing you have been trying to fix things by doing more than a dare a day.  Doing more than a dare a day will surely get in her space and push her away.  So, do not call, text, etc her unless absolutely necessary.  Anything we do other than the dares is usually us trying to find comfort in our spouse vs comfort in Christ.  Our only true source of comfort.  When you do see her, have to talk to her, always show patience and kindness.  She may be upset by this, thinking why wasn't he this way before (if you werent that way before.)

    Leave her to Christ's conviction.  And you choose to continue loving unconditionally.

  • Garou_of_Kar, thank you. I am trying to FROG, getting better at it every day. But I had been out of the church for the past 8 or 9 years. It feels like I am starting all over again. I will be praying for your marriage and that it does not get to where mine is right now. I pray that God blesses your marriage and that the changes that need to be made come easily.

    Tim, thank you as well. I have only been doing one dare per day. I am on day 32. I was wondering what to do on days that I CANNOT do the dare of the day. i.e. (Day 18, Make a special dinner for your spouse. I tried this several different days. I would try to plan it so that dinner would be done when she would come to drop off our son, for him to spend the weekend with me, but then things would change, she would ask me to come pick him up or she would be at the house right when I got home from work then split right away. What do I do on these days? Do I just put the process on hold until I can do that dare or…?

    I was not the way I am now, before. I was patient and kind. Though I listened to what was said, I didn’t listen to the true meaning or emotions behind those words. My definition of the word “listen” has changed quite a bit. I am trying to be a better man, trying to hand it all to God, though sometimes it is harder than others.

    Again thank you both for the replies, I look forward to seeing what you have to say.

  • I would say stick to a new dare each day.  If you did your best to accomplish the dare and there is no way to accomplish it, then pray about what you should learn from that dare.  And then the next day, do that day's dare.  Most people do more than one round, so next round you will have another opportunity.

    God may have designed it so you could not accomplish the dare.  Maybe something would have been said by you or her that should not have been said, or maybe God thought it would be best if you accomplished this dare for the first time in round two.  

    If there is no way to do a dare you can also consider what would be close to doing the dare that would accomplish the same thing the dare wanted you to accomplish.  For example, I knew my wife would never be home till 2 to 4 am when I was doing the dares, so, I left a cooler of drinks out with a snack and said to wake me up and we could have a snack together.  She never did, but it was the only thing I could think of to do.  But, do not change any dares to just make them easier to do.

    If you do your best to try to accomplish a dare, then consider it complete for that day.  

  • Tim, from what I have seen from you in my post and others, I have figuredone out that you are a pretty wise man. Thank you for taking the time to pass along that knowledge.

  • I promise anything I say is just me parroting what I have read from others posts and replies.  If I don't make sense or am pointing in the wrong direction, that is me.  Thanks for your nice words.  

  • No Tim. I believe you are an avenue God is using to help people.

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