Round 5 Day 3: Today had unselfishness written on it. Didnt "buy" anything for her, but the dare was definetly done in multiple ways. My cell phone hadnt been working for a couple days (got it wet). I had been keeping it in a bag of rice since Sunday night. After work I get home and try turning it on, and it looked like it was going to work. It turned on, then I recieved a text from Emily that said "Liar". I had an idea of what it was about. I had told her I was thinking of going to the gym when she was asking me why I only was going to have the kids for two hours on Monday versus changing plans for her at the last moment. Well while the kids were over, I did my bills, and realized I had enough money to buy a laptop. So I changed my mind. I didnt tell Emily. The gym is on the way to our house, so she had an idea I wasnt going there when I took a different route than her. I sent her a "?" to make sure. Then my phone started going bad again. I was able to fire off a text that it was going bad. That was the extent of my interaction with her for the day. I could clearly see that He wanted time apart today. So I headed out to go meet up with our pastor. I was to take the oath in the movie Courageous, and sign the resolution from that movie. So I did that, and we sat down and talked for a while. I gave him a small testimony, including some of the miracles that have happened in the last few months. I made sure not to go into Emily's specific actions, but I did mention there was adultery on both sides to give him an idea of how far away we have been. At the end, he layed his hands on me and prayed for Emily and I. I went and saw my mom since she lives less than a mile from church and I still had to be down in that area for auditions later. She has had a dog get lost (I think someone stole her, the cut on the tie out was clean, and they found a different dog with her leash and tie out on it). So my mom was pretty upset over it. We talked about that for quite a while, and I told her that God's will will be done, that whoever has the dog probably is keeping her as a pet instead of where my mom's head was going (abuse). From there I headed out for my audition. It was about a half hour drive away from the direction I live in, and I was planning on stopping for something to eat on the way. I made sure I could find where the audition was at first, then set out to find something to eat. Along the way, I kept turning in wrong directions. About the 4th time I did so, I got His hint and just went back to the church. Along my drive I prayed about my audition, and felt Him. He was comforting me, telling me not to fear. It was awesome! So I got back to the church and I was an hour early. Lord knows He was going to use the time for His purpose, so I went in. I met the gal in charge of the auditions, and we chatted for a while about various stuff. Since she works for the church, I asked her how she came to Christ. She told me her story pretty much started in high school and she came into the fold when she graduated. It was a pretty good story. Then she asked for mine. Well I went into it. For this testimony I started with how I was in high school, and how my parents divorced, how Emilys parents divorced, and kind of provided us with a roadmap out of our marriage. I told her about the dares, and she had seen Fireproof with her husband. I recommended the dares for her. So audition time came. The worship pastor I knew came out to grab the next person, who wasnt me, but I was the only one there. He gave me a big hug, and we went into the worship center. While we were walking up to the other three judges, he asked if I was nervous. Surprisingly (maybe not so much), I wasnt. Then he said that he had talked to the other guys about me, and I told him that now I was starting to get a little nervous. So we sat down and chatted. They wanted to know my story of how I came to wanting to try out for the band. So I was able to testify to another 3 people. Three of those guys are married so it was nice talking about it. We then prayed for the audition together. I took a little bit longer than my "alotted time" to tell them my story and was quite dry in the mouth, so I got a drink of water and got up on stage. The lights were so bright I could hardly see anyone up there. The song that they had given me started and I killed it pretty well. I could see they even felt good about it. Then they had me come and sit down again. They asked me to harmonize with one of the guys singing. I dont have much experience harmonizing, but if I hear it before hand I can sing it. Usually when I do it, I have background music where I can pick out a harmony. Well all I was given in this case was a note of the key on a guys phone. Yeah, I bombed that part. I could tell they all didnt look as happy. Then one of the guys spoke up and said that they normally give out the harmony part each week when they prepare, so you arent "making it up" each week. He was to sing the harmony for a little bit and see if I would be able to sing it. First note goes and I kill it again. So I felt alot better with that. They all thanked me for coming and let me know that in two weeks they would give me a call and let me know the results. My worship pastor walked me out. He told me he didnt want me to worry too much about it. I said really? I bombed that second part. He said, yeah but you did well on the last part of it, which is what we do anyways. We said goodbye and I left. I'm a perfectionist. It was on my mind the whole rest of the day. I know I did my best, but still bombed. With Him, I am trying to do my best with being accepting of it. I still dont know the results, but given that I didnt kill the whole audition, Im not carrying a false sense of confidence. So I got home, and typed up the journal entry for the day before. Later that evening, someone I went to high school with messaged me on facebook. He had messaged me a little bit on facebook and I told him I was getting divorced, but not much about it. He and I both got baptized this past weekend. He told me that he felt God was leading him to message me and tell me that he is there to lend an ear if need be. He gave me his phone number. The first thought in my head was that maybe this guy is going to get me into a bible study group. So I asked if he was in one yet. He said he is not. I took his number down and told him I would call later in the week as it was getting pretty late, and that I have a story to tell. I really felt I was being utilized to start telling my story today. Even though I have reservations about it, because I am living in "imbo", I felt He put those situations in front of me to spread out a little bit. I suppose thats part of not being selfish either, since we are called to love our neighbors. I didnt really ask if that was His exact will for the dare, because I honestly didnt think about it being the dare until right now. The other way I see it getting done was in letting my wife be, and making that oath to her and the kids. Below are the words to the resolution if you do not know it.THE RESOLUTION I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children. I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me. I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength. I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy. I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. ---Joshua 24:15Jason
Perfection - forever unreachable, but yet we perfectionists continue to strive towards it even with our relationship with Christ. Setting our own selves up for failure. However, God has promised to work in our lives "…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6) ... so we know we will never reach perfection, but know Christ is working in us every day. That in itself is perfection of love by Him and only Him.
Honestly wanted to know how good you feel having a phone that was not working? It seems that your entry spoke more about testimony and fellowship than drama... So what does that tell you when you are completely focused on your walk without interruption?