Round 3 Day 2:
So today was kindness. I saw this one set up from yesterday. I got off work at 10, and went to the house to pick up our little girl. I didn’t have any real interaction with Emily, other than she looked pretty angry. I met that with a warm smile and soft words.
Got back to the house, played with our daughter, and got my son from school at noon. We had a little happy birthday celebration for him, and we ate some cake that I had bought. He loved the Action Bible I got him (he had been reading his brother’s pretty intensely).
Emily came around 3pm and picked up the kids. Again, she seemed fairly angry or upset, but I didn’t let myself worry too much about it, and I was kind.
I left to the store. I felt Christ leading me through the aisles again, and he had me buy a photo frame that had the words love is patient, love is kind on them (coincidence? I think not!). I am not sure what He had me buy it for (Day 3? But He has surprised me before), but its in the car right now (I am at work today, so I can update….yay overtime too!).
I also bought the love dare for my buddy who is getting married soon. I am to be the best man and the wedding singer. I talked to the organist for the wedding and scheduled a rehearsal for May 8th after I get off work. I would have the kids (because it’s a Tuesday) but my buddy said he could babysit (between him and his fiancé they have three kids, he has one, she has two). Tonight we are having a party for the wedding party, instead of a bachelors party.
I got home, and saw she called. I prayed and was told to wait. I talked with my dad and ate a little dinner, then got the word to call. I called back and she was in a decent mood, kind of joking a little bit. She brought up the kids dentist appointments. She had made them on May 8th! I gently brought up the fact that I have an appointment with the organist, and I had made plans. She got angry and basically told me that that was the only day she could get them in, and that I need to reschedule for them. I agreed at the time that I would work something out. At this time, I am considering having her keep the kids that day and bring them to the appointment. It is something I will pray on, because it is her responsibility to make sure the kids have these appointments (she argued for sole physical custody and it doesn’t mean much except she has to do the care activities for the kids). The conversation tried my patience too, but I stayed calm and kind.
I went and worked out at a class with my trainer and friend. It was fun. I get my butt kicked pretty hard by my trainer, but it is good for the body and mind. All of us made plans after to go out to the bar for some karaoke.
I went back home and showered. I prayed on calling her to say goodnight to her and the kids, and got back a no. So no big deal, we went to the bar. Needless to say, I stayed out a little too late and am now tired, but it was still fun. After the bar, we went to perkins for a light meal, and I talked with my friend (who is also a Christian man and very familiar with the situation) about Emily for a bit, and how I am still scared of the potential of her not wanting ever to fix our family and of her maybe never turning towards Christ. Of course, any good Christian friend would tell me what he told me “you can’t think about the future, worry about today”.
I am a little confused. She makes the appointments without consulting you on scheduling but yet requires you to accept the dates and times.
First question I have. Why is she not taking them? Can she not schedule it into her daily life?
Second. I am now wondering why she lays so much on you when it comes to the kids? It seems that she has sole custody as you stated, but more than 50% of the time they are with you.
I am not saying anything bad here. But now I am getting curious if she just wanted the custody part for the money?
This may be where you need to take time to pray about it (a lot of prayer) and find out if you should lay some ground rules or some concerns.
It seems she is still satisfied with controlling your life while she lives her own. and using the children in manipulating that.
I can be completely wrong here, then again, I am only getting info from your journals.
She had told me that the appointment could only be scheduled on a day where I normally take them (Tuesdays).
I have the kids just under 45.1% by the way Minnesota counts it (based upon number of kids and number of overnights).
I feel that she has been using the kids to manipulate me a bit based upon her comments in anger the other day.
She did not tell me about the custody issues, but it seemed that we were only arguing over one night at the early neutral evaluation.
Sole physical custody in Minnesota doesnt mean much except she is responsible for the daily care (getting ready for the day, etc), buying for their needs, taking them to Dr. Appointments, and her place is where they have the label of home.
Like I said above I will commit I will pray on it and see what I am told. I talked with my friend about this last night that if it keeps going like this, the kids might want to live with me when they get old enough to make a preference. That would probably devastate her though.
"You can’t think about the future, worry about today." Second day I am hearing/reading this. My counselor said the same thing to me yesterday. He had brought up that Christ often works in the moment as is very evident in my writings, which I would say the same thing about yours. Prime example - you were led through the store aisles again to purchase something. By no means was that planned, but prompted by Christ in the moment. What a great reminder for us! Sometimes a lot easier said than done, but I am trying my hardest to take my counselor up on that challenge. I would challenge you to do the same just as your friend advised.
Challenge accepted Jenn. Game on! ;-)
Sean, I re-read your journal entry on hope (I need to re-read your journal entries on a periodic basis, lol). I took some of the key points that apply to me and made up a reminder to carry with me. I think this will help me out with furthering my relationship with Christ, and probably with Emily too (lovingly helping her see the effect of her desicions). Here it is:
There is no sin that God cannot forgive. So don't let pride or guilt prevent you, he knows everything anyway!
Why fear anything when I know I still have Christ, and what do I really have to lose? Aren’t things already that bad? What could confronting this hurt?
No matter what comes to me in life, I hand it to Him. There is no need for me to worry. If I allow Him, He will take those burdens and comfort me. Why would I fight that?
But God has a tighter grip on me than I had on Him. He knowswhat it will do in my life, where it willtake me. I shall never have an ounce of doubt again.