Day 79:

                So today started off nice, woke up, worked, etc.   I was to pick up the kids today.  For some reason heading over there from work, I started to get real anxious.  I am not sure why, maybe the after effects of the strong weekend?  So I stopped at a park on the way and took a few minutes out to pray on it and ask the Lord to fill me with the spirit before stopping at the house. 

                I got into the driveway and one of Emily’s friends (the mormon wife who recommended my counselor to me) was there dropping off our daughter.  She just told me some small things about baby girl and left.  I saw the boys come home, and Emily’s brother came out.  He’s a nice enough guy, and has always gotten along OK with me (a bit younger though, 22 or 23).  Even though the van was in the driveway Emily wasn’t home.  So I loaded up all the kids into the car, and chatted with her brother for a minute, even gave him my phone number if he wanted to hang out.  I told him that I have Christ in my life now, and that has been what keeps me going good.

                On the way home, my oldest told me about a choir concert he was having that night.  I wish sometimes I would get more notice for things, but it seemed that Emily didn’t remember it either.  So when we got home I told him he could call his mom if he so wished.  I made dinner, we ate, and the boys got their homework done.  I took some time to write up my letter for my dare, prayed on it, and put it in my car.

                The concert was really nice.  Emily and her brother showed up and it was nice to see Emily smile and laugh like she did.  We shared a few glances with each other. 

                After the concert, she came out to help me load up the kids.  We got them loaded up and our oldest asked if he could stay with her.  I told her I had no problem with it at all.  Emily said that she wanted to be kid-free tonight and just rest to him and I.  My oldest got real upset at this.  He was complaining about he way he sleeps at my house and would rather get a good nights rest.  Emily was steadfast in refusing him and started to get upset.  He stayed in my car and we went home.  Emily did not say anything about noticing the letter in my car at all, so I don’t even know if she saw it.

                When we got home he called his mother immediately.  He started asking again to come over.  She told him at that point she wasn’t home.  He got upset, and let her go.  He started getting very angry because he thought she lied to him.  I spent the rest of the next hour or so trying to calm him and teach the children a bit about forgiveness.  I told them that it is our duty to forgive when we think someone did something to us that hurt us, no matter if that person realizes it or not.  I told them it is not the other person that hurts by us not forgiving but us, and that Christ loves us enough to forgive so we must forgive as well.  I was very cautious not to pull Emily’s name into any of it because the kids need to honor their mother as well.

                After I put them down, our oldest started crying.  I went in and hugged him and he told me through the tears that he loves me but misses mom.  He asked to call her.  I gave him the phone and he did.  Emily didn’t talk to him long and the phone came to me.  She said she couldn’t understand him, and that earlier she had just stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  He kept crying for a bit, and she started to get angry at me.  I stayed calm.  I said a quick prayer during all this too.  She was saying things like that she is going to come pick him up but take all 4 if she comes.  She was telling me that she lets me have my children (like it’s a privilege I get to see them).  In not so many words, accusing me of being a bad parent.  I didn’t respond to a lot of it and just stayed quiet.  I did tell her to do what she feels she needs to do, and that we would be fine.  The conversation ended by us talking about what she was about to have for dinner and I wished her a good night.

                The kids went to bed, and I stayed up and read the bible and my other book.  Made it through 2 Cor.   At about 10:30, I looked at the letter on the table that I wrote.  I felt prompting to write another one.  The first one I had written was on nice writing paper, with a fine black writing pen and in cursive, similar to other letters I wrote for the first 40 days.  This time, I felt prompting to just use a page out of my notebook and use a regular old pen.  The words were coming into my head so fast I couldn’t write them all down!  I knew I was filled!  I couldn’t even keep track of where the letter was going in content or anything while I was writing, it felt like random sentences on a page.

                When I got done, it was one page long.  I read it.  The darned thing made a lot of sense!  It captured every point in the dare, and some other nuggets of truth as well.  I felt the prompt to place it in the kids overnight bag, and so I did.  I then felt that the previous letter I wrote should be thrown away, so I did that too.  I praised and thanked Him for the next 15 minutes for giving me the dare like that. 

                I dropped off the kids this morning at 6:30.  When I got back home, she called a few minutes later.  I prayed on answering and was told no.  So I let the phone ring.  I am curious to if she had called about the letter or what. 

                This morning we had a conference for our autistic son.  It lasted quite a while (2 hours), and after we walked out of the building together.  Emily still said nothing about the letter.  During the conference I had mentioned that I had the day off, and Emily had said “It must be nice”, with a sarcastic tone (remember, she is a stay at home mom).  My son’s teacher reminded her to be nice.  Of course, I just held my tongue.

So I got the dare done for yesterday and I am withstanding her venom.  Still being kind and loving to her.  I am relying on the Rock, and I am being the rock for her.

Jason

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