Collaborate without boundaries

Dare 14R2

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Well I didn't spend my whole morning doing nothing on an off day, that would have made her happy. I spent last noght at my house, first time in over a month, it's hard living with ghosts. I've had a hard morning, it's so quiet, everything feels dead. I have to learn to live in it though.

I have been learning things about myself that I never thought about. I think that this added no contact thing, though painful is helping me grow in ways I couldn't see before when I was focusing on how to get the dares across. Yesterday was manipulation and know-it-all, today it's reliance on God for even the little things. My morning readings spoke more to me, my praying was diferent, sobered, and my decisions for my day though are the hardest to deal with. I find myself not wanting to leave my house because I feel it would be to hard to drive back home. God is showing me more areas of my life that I have to give to him. I think I understand what people that have been in this the longest feel when something good starts happening. you just sort of shut down and don't know how to handle it.

My neighbor has been devorced for 15 years and he feels my pain. He is a great friend and loves both me and my wife. I visit him frequently. He gets called by the elders of my assembly periodically, they check up on me through him, and as he is a pastor and councilor he let's them know his view of what is going on between MH and I.

My hope is in God and learning to let him have the reins to my life and give him everything and trust him with everything is not as easy as it seems. 

  • We do have to learn to live through this. It's hard. There's no doubting that.

    No contact. I had a hard time with that at first. Now I have to purposely avoid contact with my wife. I don't like it but it really can help. The contact is emotional and can lead to a lot of resentment and negativity. The time apart with no contact has the potential to do a lot of good. It gives each spouse time to self-reflect and grow.

    I have been thinking really hard lately that none of us are fortune tellers. We LOVE to assume what the future holds but we haven't the foggiest idea. We could be happily married or living in a ditch a couple years from now so there's no sense in worrying about it. Just focus on the positive. Imagine being happily married years from now. You know that's what God wants because it brings Him glory.

    I'm still trying to let go of everything and give it all to God. If we are honest with ourselves we can probably find something every day that we are still holding on to. He just wants us to give it up and trust Him. Faith and obedience. That's all He wants.

    I hope your actions have profound affects on those who are watching you.

  • I agree God wants our all, not what we think we need to give, that is the delema. the elder My father in law and MH, are lelling me, I kneed to listen to the Holy Spirit for my self not listen to other people. I am hearing from the Holy Spirit, he told me to stand for my marriage and wait for the salvation of the Lord. I don't think he would tell me to stop doing this or that I just have to be OK with what is going on.

    I just have to keep praying and live as a chased bachelor until they decide to listen to the Holy Spirit because I know he wouldn't tell my wife to do what she is doing.

  • Since God won't force anyone to do anything we have to live with the consequences of other's decisions. I think that's what makes this all so hard. It makes us want to try to figure out things for other people but we just can't do that. Dilemma is right. That's what this all is. Still praying for you man.

  • Doing what your wife wants you to do when she will never know is growth. It is steps you have taken in Christ through doing the dares.  You may find yourself going through the house, putting the toilet seat down, putting your socks in the clothes hamper, shutting the cabinet drawers, or any of the habits you had that your wife didn't like, you probably are starting to make those changes for her, event though she isn't there to see or hear about it.  But this really shows growth in you.

  • And when/if she comes back she will see all these changes.  That's great God is giving you wisdom of what to give Him.  And that you are listening and following.

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