Wow today was a very long day. I’m just so tired. My older sister came back from France today so we organised a small party for her, had the whole family and some friends over.  I called Ara in the morning after spending some time in prayer and thought that if I do not tell Ara about the party that when he finds out he will get angry, plus it’s a great way to spend time with him. I call him and tell him about the party, he tells me about the ‘boys’ and hanging out today. I won’t lie I was sad but I quickly got over it, a few minutes later I get a text from Ara saying that he is coming, he will meet the boys later on. He comes over to my place and my friend has finally arrived. So the three of us are trying to exist in the same space and Ara is just on a mission to be so negative about everything. My friend wanted to find out what the Love Dare was all about so I put in ‘Fireproof’ in for her. When Ara got here he started complaining about the many times that I have played that film etc… He went on and on. He was slightly insulting and made us feel uncomfortable, he takes out his cellphone and starts texting, that really bothered me, Any time he touches his cell I always think of the OW . Then my sister finally arrives and he moves and goes upstairs to watch tv.

He was anti-social and my friend and I felt his negative energy. My friend kept saying that he is not the same guy that she once knew. I reminded her to take everything that he is doing with grace, he is really not himself… Well the rest of my family finally arrives and he continues to sit upstairs, they are all wondering what is wrong with him. My sisters know what is going on between he and I and they do not want him around period so when they see him they are like, ‘whats going on though?’ Well eventually I started getting irritated by his attitude and  soryt of lost my temper. He asks to speak to me, we go upstairs and he asks me what is wrong. I pray about it and Jesus says that I should not let loose on him, so I tell him that organising all of this is a little bit much for me. He then gives me words of encouragement… STRANGE BUT OK. Anyway, he hugs me and tells me that everything will be alright. Well soon after he tells me that he has to leave to go be with the boys… Wow that bothered me. I walked him out and thanked him for coming over, then he did something that he has not done in weeks, he kisses me.

He is gone now and my sisters come up to me and ask me why was he there, I tell them that I invited him, the youth pastor and his fiancée. They asked if we are back together and I told them that we are far from that. I really meant that answer, I do not imagine myself with THIS Ara, he is not the man I fell for. Well we spent the rest of the day enjoying ourselves my family and I. I did not think of Ara at all. I was really enjoying my time away from his particular brand of stress. Before he left he told me that tomorrow he is going to a farewell party for a colleague, I asked if I could go with him and he hesitated and said that there is a head count. Yeah, sure there is. I remembered the girlfriend he has at work and became sad and irritated. Today was my dip day, writing this now I’m fine now

I recognise that I need to take that anger back to Jesus and ask for forgiveness, this is going to be an interesting journey for me.  I want to spend time with Jesus, I did not lay it all at His feet today like I needed to.