I am really struggling with posting my entries daily, the site is killing me here (sad face…). Anyway to today my dare was done without me even having read the dare. I spent the day with one of my close friends, I wanted to be with Ara but I chose to give him space, I think that is one of the things that I need to get used to, moving out of Gods way and letting Him do His thing. I often wonder whether or not me moving out of the way is solely based on this or is it based on the fact that I’m growing increasingly tired of trying to stand when Ara really does not want me anymore. SIGH…

My friend and I watched a movie called ‘Think like a man’, something light and funny but sadly I put myself in the characters positions and cried at the end where all the couples in the film worked out and one even getting proposed to. That made me realise that I really miss Ara and still want things to work. In that moment God quickly reminded me that I need to keep my focus on Him and not the situation. Well from there we went to this wonderful Christian book store. We walked around and I came across a devotional called ‘Heaven is so real’; ironically I have been looking for an interesting devotional, something that is more focused on the spiritual realm. I had read the book, ‘Heaven is so Real’ by Choo Nam Thomas which immediately gave me the push I needed to get to know Jesus, so I’m really excited about getting the devotional. In the store I sat down and went through the book as I did so I prayed and spent time with Jesus. I felt the presence of the Almighty in the store, I felt Him holding me and walking around me. He was ministering to me, just what His daughter needed.

Upon going home I got a text from Ara saying ‘we will never get married. After what your mother did last year and you not greeting. Forget it!’ Now it makes clear sense why Jesus’ presence was so strong earlier, He was comforting me in advance for the venom that was coming. I tried to ask him what happened but he did not respond. I got home and the flood came rushing down. Ok, time for a back story. Over a year ago, Ara and his mama had a really tough relationship. She would kick him out, tell him that he is worthless etc, during this period he spent a lot of time at home with me and my parents. My family tried to help him feel loved and cared for considering the fact that his mama is rejecting him. Well on Sunday, Ara’ mama came to church (Ara was not there at this point) and my mother goes up to Ara’ mama to greet and they start talking. My mother mentions that she loves Ara and that she feels that she should tone down her harsh words because they are weighing Ara down. Mama and my mother have a conversation then part. Ara’ mama calls Ara and kicks him out of the house, it was a big deal. From then on Ara started spending so much time at my place nobody minded because well we all love him. Last week Ara and I go to his home and he tells me to stand outside, he does not want his mama to see me. I stand there and try move away so that she does not see me, then all of a sudden Ara says to me ‘it would’ve worked in your favour to have greeted, but there goes that.’

Now when I got that text so much anger filled my heart and I went to the Lord in prayer asking Him why didn’t Ara stand up for my family especially after everything that we have done for him and his mama. Whether he is angry at me or not he should’ve stood up for my family at least. Now that I have calmed down I realise that I need fight harder on my knees and not with my mouth. I stopped asking Ara questions because he was just not interested in answering me.

Well after such a colourful day one thing that I am most excited about is growing and trusting God. Even now, I know that God has gone before me, we are in a war yall and we are fighting on our knees. Every day I look forward to what the Lord is going to do, it’s been a long while since I felt this way about our Jesus. I am so amped up about the devotional.

I forgot to mention, once the text message came through I immediately saw the guy that I used to have a bit of a relationship with, we spoke for a few minutes then I left. WOW I really wanted to pursue a relationship with him again especially after the nonsense message I just received. Then and there I remembered and decided to stop that thought because it was from the enemy. I have, am, and will continued to stand for this relationship by the grace of God and will only stop once God says ok baby it’s enough you can stop now.

I would like to ask though, for my next round should I continue doing my dares on Ara and focusing on Christ or should I just leave Ara out of it? I ask because I am beginning to feel it in my spirit that I need to leave him for a few months, during that time should I keep doing the dares on him?