I did not see Ara today, I was still mad at him from the day before. I spent a good while wondering if I should call him in the morning but was told not to, I listened. Lately when I call he simply does not pick up or respond to any of my texts so I have become slightly discouraged to contact him. Praying for him has also been difficult especially today, I kept replaying his famous line, ‘There is no evidence of his affair so it never happened.’ WOW those words still get to me. Anyway, I go a bbm text from him at about 11pm saying Nana my friend needs R200 do you have so I can help him out? Now Ara stopped calling me affectionately and has started to do it when he wants something from me. Once the money matters were spoken of he stopped talking to me altogether. After about an hour he again asks if I have the money then stops talking to me.
I decided to hang out with my friend and celebrate my birthday with her, I tell Ara about me going out and he gets angry at me and stops talking to me. To be honest at this point I stopped caring about the reason behind his anger, I was focused on having fun with my friend and really making up for yesterday’s disaster. I went out and came back in the early hours of the morning, Ara stayed over at his friends place. I still did not care, I don’t know why but I refused to let him get to me.
I have to be honest and say the venom that Ara poured out on me on Friday really made me want to give up. The last thing that I want to do was care and love him. I am still so angry and hurt at him that everything written in the Day 30 notes went in one place and out the other, I really struggled with this dare hey. Lol I chose to not say anything to him rather than talk to him and retaliate.
When I was with my girlfriends we had some car trouble so I had to call around, Ara was not interested in anything that had to do with me so I had to go through my phone book and call up anybody that has a car. I called up this guy I’ve known for a while and eventually he came through to pick us up, he dropped my friend off then took me to the most beautiful place. He was with his cousin and the three of us had a great time. They paid for everything and were complete gentlemen; I sat wondering when was the last time that I felt important to someone that cares. Writing this I realise that that was just me trying to control, ‘move one’, and really try blot out the hurt that I was feeling. I did not take the time to give it to God…BIG MISTAKE!!! Well I had a great time and began thinking of what my life would be like without Ara, yeah that was me FOLLOWING my heart. In that moment I did not want to continue with the relationship. Tomorrow I re-do day 30, I did not do it at all.
Seek out through prayer. Where Christ wants to lead you.