Day 26… The truth shall set me free

Ok so I had major reservations with this dare, I did not want to tell him that I was sorry and that I ask that he may forgive me. However after spending sometime thinking, praying and reading over other peoples dares  I realised that God has not asked me to tell the truth to hurt me but rather to save me from a burden. Thank you Jesus I feel so free, WOW.

I sent this letter to Ara via email, I pray that God will help him read it. Here is the letter…

 I love you, I love you period and even though things are strained and we are no longer wearing our rings you need to know that regardless I love you. Having said all of that I have a few things to confess to you. I acknowledge that over the past year and a half being with me has been difficult, I will not try explaining why or even try work my way out of it but I will simply come clean and confess that I hurt you. Since the beginning of the Love Dare I have had this day in mind. I did not know when it would come but I knew that sooner or later the time would come where I need to actively stop magnifying your faults and being to look at my own and sincerely ask that you forgive me for them.

This year has been a whirlwind and even though it has felt like we were moving mountains it has been one of the best times with you. We grew close in this struggle but sadly my reaction to any progress was squashed by the pain I was feeling. This brought you down and ultimately led you to deciding to find solace in other distractions. I never meant for all of this to get this bad to the point where we both have reservations when it’s time to think about and plan our future. I cannot deny the fact that I have messed up, and I’ve tried to bring you down to my lowest point and be in that pit with me, not realising that I’m dragging you down but down a different kind of pit, now we are both down and not even in each other’s pit together.

I have been very prideful in this situation, not wanting to admit my flaws and sins to you but choosing to look at yours and even go as far as to try get rid of people in your life on your behalf. Yes this has been difficult and everyday either reveals a new giant or one that is much lighter the one before.

Last year I let go of many of my males friends and held onto those that I felt had too much worth for me to just let go of. I did this not knowing that it was hurting you, hurting you so much that it left a bitter and resentful taste in your mouth. I was not at all innocent in all of this and I see that only now after all has been said and done. Again I LOVE YOU and I’m not rehashing all of this to hurt you but rather to ask for your forgiveness. 

Recently I have started going out and being away from you thinking that it was what I needed, to be away from you to figure things out, not knowing that in doing so I am allowing other people in and giving them a foothold in my life and allowing them to pull me away from you. In allowing other people to lure my heart away I think I created an opening for the same to happen to you as well.

Once I took a moment to look back I realised that you were quickly losing hope and you were pulling away and that I needed to STAND if I am going to finally fight for us. I started the love dare but only committed to it once day 18 came my way, by then we had broken up and ‘broken off’ the engagement.  My heart and focus has been set right and all the doors that I had opened are now closed. God asked me recently if I love you enough to let go of you and give our relationship to Him to do with it what He will. Yes, I do. I have hurt you and I know that this email is probably hurting you please forgive me and try remembering that I love you even though at the moment you probably want to run in the other direction. Please understand that God is changing my heart and one day I will be somebody NEW, somebody brand new. I pray that you will be right there by my side as we walk hand and in hand with the Lord. I pray that Gods will may prevail in your life. 

God bless you Ara.

I’m off to pray for guidance, peace, STRENGTH, patience, joy and LOVE to fill me up and fill Ara up. Jesus please fill me up with your spirit once again that we may start over every day. I’M DYING TO LIVE….