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Round 5 – Day 28 – I Surrender

“What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.”

Sleep was again rough. I woke up at 200am coughing and remembering my husband now has a motorcycle. Cried a bit then fell back asleep for a couple more hours.

His presence was with me from the get go today starting with my devotions—surrendering worry.

If we are worried and anxious we don’t really accept His lordship, do we? If we have really submitted to Him we trust Him to handle our lives. They are in His hands and whatever He chooses to do with them is all right with us even if His will is difficult. The past is His, the means to live it are His, and the outcomes are His. This is what surrender is all about. And if we’re really surrendered, we’re not worried about it.

Perfect…perfect…perfect. Exactly what I needed to hear. Unfortunately my anxiety didn’t subside completely when it came to the biopsy. However, He was with me. I know it.

Check in was at 700am and procedure at 800. Took my vitals and started a breathing treatment to open my airways and numb my throat. The essence of the procedure is giving you some meds to make you “sleepy,” stick a tube down your throat to take a look around and do some scrapings. What I was not so keen on was the only being “sleepy” part. Why not just completely knock the patient out? That is how any other intrusive procedure like this I’ve had works.

When the breathing treatment was over I could not swallow because of being numb. This is what started my anxiety. I asked God to please knock me out. When they had me lie on the bed I told them straight up, “I’m not going to lie I am having some anxiety right now.” As soon as they hooked me up to the heart monitor they saw exactly what I was talking about. My heart rate was in the 120s and as much as I tried taking slow breaths it wasn’t going down. They gave me the rest of the numbing medicine I needed for my nose, mouth, and throat and then finally the “sleepy” drugs. That was the absolute last thing I remember. I was out cold. I woke up in the recovery area and was later told that in the middle of the procedure I was coughing so badly they had to sedate me more. I do not remember any of it. Praise God!! As for the results – one of the biopsy tests will take a week to hear back on and the other two weeks. I’ve been praying they come sooner than later, but whatever His plan – I surrender!  ß I know I am a work in progress…

I did a lot of sleeping when I got home. This evening I saw a text from my husband wishing me happy anniversary and asked how the appointment went, so I let him know.

This was one of those days I don’t know if the dare was done, but our anniversary was unfortunately sacrificed.