Round 5 – Day 14 – Love Takes Delight
“Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.”
As I am getting ready this morning my husband tells me, “I don’t know if I told you this yet or not…well actually I know I haven’t told you…I am going to learn how to ride a motorcycle.” I am like umm…huh and kiddingly asked if he is going through a midlife crisis. He tells me he has been thinking about it for a little while. I ask since when? Not once in our 12 years together has he EVER expressed interest in riding a motorcycle. In fact, we’ve always been on the same page with it – they are dangerous. I am not even going to go into the stories he has told me with regards to accidents he has encountered with them on the job. I guess his brother, best friend, and him have been talking about it. By this point I am crying (stupid not feeling well doesn’t help my emotional level) I told him I want to support him with things, but it is hard when he doesn’t include me. Then he throws in my face I haven’t been around the last week and a half. I said, “You’ve got to be kidding me. When we’ve talked at dinner or in bed, you’ve NEVER brought up wanting to learn how to ride a motorcycle.” Silence…I then expressed that it is more than just learning how to ride (guess the class costs $125), but it is extra financially for a bike, insurance, etc. We don’t have that right now. We are barely paying the bills with how things are going. So then I get thrown in my face that he feels he is just paying rent for one room in the house (his office) because he doesn’t have any say with anything else. I said give me examples and please do not start pulling from the past. His response, “Why? You just want me to forget that any of it ever happened?” I said, “No, not forgetting—learning from it and moving forward.” No resolution… I gave a kiss and hug goodbye to essentially a statue. I struggled on the way to work with it. I was thinking that this is yet another mark on his “list” of me not supporting him. My husband knows how I have felt about motorcycles especially when our thoughts were in alignment about it, so this whole thing came out of nowhere. I know whatever I say or do at this point is a lose lose situation—as reflected in our conversation, he will use anything and everything against me.
Work was short since I had a counseling appointment at noon. It went well. I went over this last week. Two things we talked a bit about were our couple’s counseling and the motorcycle situation this morning. I wanted my counselor’s take on continuing couple’s counseling. These last few days I have been thinking a lot about it. I do not feel my husband or I are being challenged. It is just scratching surface stuff and telling us the same thing every time—we need to spend time together to rekindle the passion. I’ve got the passion! My husband doesn’t want to put forth any effort. In addition, last session he disclosed something to my husband that I shared during my individual time with him. I did not think that was very professional of him. Could had been an honest mistake, but it makes me wonder. Other obvious reasons are my husband hates it, so he has walls up and the counselor is definitely not on the same page faith wise. Definitely going to be seeking His will on this one as our next session is Monday. My counselor did go over some good dialogue should the conversation come up about me not continuing to go.
The other situation addressed—the motorcycle. After telling him what happened this morning—I joked that he probably loves motorcycles. Sure enough he admitted that it does hit close to home. He would love to have a motorcycle too, but his wife prefers he does not for one of the biggest reasons I have—safety. Due to her anxiety of it, he gracefully opts not to submit to complete selfishness and go against her on it. It was nice to hear he related to both my husband and I in this area. He mentioned that perhaps it is another avenue for my husband to fill this void he continues to try and fill with this that are not going to do it…if they do it is just temporarily (i.e. video games, our separation, OW, etc). Just have to give it up to Him.
After counseling I took a little bit of time in the parking lot to read today’s dare. I didn’t get a chance to this morning. Well, interesting dare for a day I wasn’t planning on coming home tonight. Plans were already made to spend the night with my brother and his fiancé since it has been far too long since we have gotten together. I still prayed on how He would like me to complete the dare by His will…
I headed to a friend’s house on the way to my brothers. We spent a couple of hours catching up till my brother got off work. He asked that I meet him in the Safeway parking lot since a coworker was going to drop him off, so I got to Safeway by the time he asked. No brother yet. I figured I would use the time to start my new book I just got—Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrichs. As I started reading it I felt Him pressing upon me that this was it—this is how I was completing the dare today. Even though my husband was not with me physically—I was certainly with him on an emotional level as I was reading the introduction and beginning of chapter one. I wasn’t even supposed to have the time to do this, but due to circumstances my brother needed me to pick him up and there was a miscommunication on the timing, so I had some time to spend to read—all in His plan right? I would like to think so…to take it a step further…
My brother got dropped off about 40 minutes later, so we made our way to his house. We decided to relax a little bit before getting some dinner. He took that time to read over the outline of his wedding ceremony. Naturally, this made me think of my husband and mine’s wedding especially with our anniversary coming up two weeks from today. He let me know that his fiancé’s brother would be reading a passage out of the Old Testament and I would be reading a passage out of the New Testament, so he told me what the passage was – Ephesians 5:33. I had to have him tell me the reference twice because it immediately rang a bell. Why? Because it is the exact verse I just read in my new book that the author based the book on—“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Too cool!
The rest of the night was spent hanging out and watching a movie. I did not have any contact with my husband.
The dare obviously was not done verbatim. In the very beginning that would have gotten to me, but I learned along the way that they aren’t always going to be done exactly as they are written, but somehow some way it gets done how He wants it done as long as you are seeking His will.
Praise GOD for how he helped you complete the dare. Perhaps if the motorcycle issue comes up again you could tell him how you are worried about your finances but wonder how you both could make it work?? YES even though everything inside of you might be screaming - What the hell are you thinking?! I know my hubby has not felt supported by me at all because I have been too busy complaining, nagging, being impatient, etc. It helps to be still and just listen and ask GOD to help me have the attitude he wants me to have for my husband right now. I read this in a book once about how we have to pray for GOD's help with this. He will give it to us.
Based on your last post. Take some hard time praying about what is missing, and seek the guidance of the Spirit to find that missing piece. You have come so far, but I still feel there is something that is being overlooked.... Your husband is so close as well.
He is looking for something just as you did and you found it through Christ. But as I said there is something that is being overlooked for him to get it.